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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428591">Wake Yourself Up</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faefyre/pseuds/Faefyre'>Faefyre</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Psychologists &amp; Psychiatrists</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:40:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428591</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faefyre/pseuds/Faefyre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer felt stuck. </p><p>For the tenth time, he looked at the job ads of the local university’s psychology department. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just take a leap of faith - the cut in pay didn’t much bother him, he’d be able to live on that salary. And still… He had built a career here at the FBI, and knew that if he held out for a few more years, he’d be in line for a promotion. Even becoming head of the EAP, the Employee Assistance Program, was not out of the question, if he wanted to deal with the additional paperwork...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>202</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story has grown close to my heart over the months. Spencer is a tired psychologist at the FBI who knows he should be working with something else. One day he meets a certain SSA Aaron Hotchner, and is thrown by his attention. </p><p>This work is finished and will be posted twice a week for 4.5 weeks. I will try for Wednesdays and Saturdays. Comments are loved &lt;3</p><p>Much love for perclexed for always being there and being the best cheerleader I could wish for. Isagel betaed with her usual skill, thank you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spencer felt stuck. </p>
<p>For the tenth time, he looked at the job ads of the local university’s psychology department. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just take a leap of faith - the cut in pay didn’t much bother him, he’d be able to live on that salary. And still… He had built a career here at the FBI, and knew that if he held out for a few more years, he’d be in line for a promotion. Even becoming head of the EAP, the Employee Assistance Program, was not out of the question, if he wanted to deal with the additional paperwork. </p>
<p>He just wondered if it was all worth it. Feeling like he wasn’t doing what he excelled at nagged at him at the best of times - he knew his abilities would come to far better use in a research capacity, but he couldn’t quite convince himself to leave the security of his current job to try something totally different, to start from the beginning again. </p>
<p>He updated his schedule and remembered that he had taken on an extra client today, sacrificing half of his lunch break. It was only supposed to be a short evaluation, a recounting of the facts to see if the agent would be helped by regular counseling or if any other measures were necessary. </p>
<p>A knock on the door shook him out of his thoughts. Right on time, he noticed appreciatively, and stood to walk towards the door while calling, “Come in!”</p>
<p>The door opened and a man walked in, a file in his hand, stretching the other hand towards Spencer. </p>
<p>“SSA Aaron Hotchner,” he said by way of greeting.</p>
<p>Spencer took the hand, and replied, “Hi, Agent Hotchner, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid, EAC. Please sit.” He indicated the two armchairs in the corner of his office. </p>
<p>The man nodded curtly and made his way to the armchair furthest from the door. Spencer walked after him, trying to concentrate and not think about how this guy was drop dead gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome indeed. He shook his head. He also wished he could see more of the man’s ass as he walked through the room, and quickly schooled his face into mild interest when he sat down and looked at Spencer. </p>
<p>He sat down opposite Agent Hotchner and said, “What will happen today is this - we quickly assess the situation, what brought you here and how you’re doing right now. Then we see if we can decide what sort of treatment is most beneficial for you.”</p>
<p>Agent Hotchner nodded. “I have the case file for you. I should warn you, the pictures -”</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Spencer, “thank you. I’ve heard.” He stretched out a hand and Hotchner gave him the file. </p>
<p>After looking through it quickly, Spencer said, “That sounds truly awful.”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Agent Hotchner said, raising an eyebrow, “Shouldn’t you read it all first?”</p>
<p>“I just did,” Spencer said, sighing internally - he had forgotten to fake-read slowly, yet again. </p>
<p>“Wow. Okay,” was all Agent Hotchner said, and wasn’t that refreshing. </p>
<p>“I’ve looked at your personal file, Agent Hotchner - you have a son the same age as the victims?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Hotchner said, “It makes cases with child victims especially hard. Not that they’re not hard to begin with, but you know what I mean. It gets personal.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Spencer agreed, and tried to get his thoughts off the man’s good looks and into a more analytical frame of mind. Damn it, he really didn’t have problems with this usually. He looked tired and run down right now, and Spencer could only imagine how much more handsome he would be rested, smiling -</p>
<p>“Which symptoms are most problematic for you right now?”</p>
<p>“You mean at work?”</p>
<p>“Or at home. Just overall.”</p>
<p>Agent Hotchner thought a second and said, “Sleep. I don’t sleep more than three or four hours a night, I wake up with nightmares and can’t sleep after that. Everything else hinges on that - I’m tired during the day, I have a hard time concentrating, I’m short with my team - and with my son.”</p>
<p>Spencer nodded. He had had his fair share of insomnia and didn’t envy Agent Hotchner the constant exhaustion that came with it. He did look exhausted, deep lines showing in a face that would otherwise have been nothing short of stunning. He wondered if Agent Hotchner possessed any other features that might leave him breathless.</p>
<p>“Doctor Reid?” the agent asked, again with the raised eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Spencer smiled. He had just been overwhelmed by thinking about Aaron Hotchner bending him over his desk and lost control of the conversation. This was downright embarrassing, and he decided that, realistically, he would have to shut this down. He couldn’t help Agent Hotchner by daydreaming about him, and from his file and the look of him, he really needed counselling, at least until he got over the trauma of this recent case. Then there was the matter of underlying issues which he couldn’t possibly assess in a session this short.</p>
<p>“I think the best course of action is that I write you a referral to one of our trauma specialists, I recommend Dr Elizabeth Moreno. She has a wealth of experience and I know that she has room in her schedule.” He tried to look reassuring and not like he was, in fact, saving his own ass. </p>
<p>Agent Hotchner wrinkled his forehead. “I was told you are an expert on trauma.”</p>
<p>Spencer sighed and admitted, “Yes, that’s true. But my schedule is full at the moment, except for this assessment appointment.”</p>
<p>Hotchner tilted his head and smiled, and Spencer was reminded that the man was a profiler and probably pretty good at spotting lies. He tried to look as innocent as possible. </p>
<p>“That’s a pity. I have a feeling we would have gotten along well.” </p>
<p>Spencer thought that he had been right, the man was even more beautiful when he smiled. He was so done for. </p>
<p>“I think it was a good idea that you came here, though I realize this is one of the conditions for you to stay in the field.” </p>
<p>“Yes. I don’t know, part of me thinks this is wasted time, part of me is glad that I’ll have someone to talk to about-” he waved his hand, “-everything.”</p>
<p>“It’s not going to be wasted time, I can promise you that,” Spencer replied seriously. “According to your file, your work is extraordinary, and I think counselling will only make you stronger.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Agent Hotchner said again, smiling, showing just a hint of dimples. “I will give it a chance.”</p>
<p>Spencer got up and Hotchner followed suit, walking towards the door. “I would still prefer to do this with you,” he said, turning around to face Spencer.</p>
<p>“I appreciate that,” Spencer replied honestly, holding the door open. Also so many other things I’d like you to do with me, he thought.</p>
<p>He gave Agent Hotchner a wave as he went out of the office, closed the door and rested his forehead against it. </p>
<p>What the hell was even going on with him?</p>
<p>**********************</p>
<p>The next morning, when Spencer had almost managed to forget about the encounter the day before, he was on his way to the office early. The waiting room was still dark as he went through it, sipping his coffee. When he suddenly heard a voice say, “You lied to me,” he thought he was going to have a heart attack. He jumped slightly and almost ruined his cardigan while sloshing a bit of coffee around.</p>
<p>He squinted in the dark and made out Agent Hotchner, standing by his office door. </p>
<p>“I - what?” he sputtered, although he had heard him perfectly. “Are you mad? You scared me half to death.” He turned on the lamps, and Agent Hotchner’s slightly smug grin was thrown into sudden light.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” the agent said, looking not sorry at all. </p>
<p>“What do you want?” Spencer asked, juggling his coffee and his bag and trying to unlock his door at the same time. Agent Hotchner just stood there, hands in his pockets, not helping.</p>
<p>“I want to know why you lied to me.” he said, quietly, and Spencer bristled, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and went inside his office. He felt a good deal safer behind his desk.</p>
<p>That was, until Agent Hotchner followed him into the office and stood on the other side of his desk, hands still in his pockets, looking too gorgeous for his own good. </p>
<p>“I know you’re pretty much the opposite of stupid, Doctor Reid; you know very well what I’m talking about. It’s not like it was hard to check your schedule. And notice the wide open appointments during the next few weeks.”</p>
<p>Spencer sighed. He also noticed that despite Agent Hotchner’s words, the mood in the room was not one of anger, it was more - teasing? He almost groaned. That was the last thing he needed.</p>
<p>“Could I ask you to just let it go?” he asked, not too hopeful. </p>
<p>“Yes, but without much success.” Hotchner answered, now obviously trying not to smirk. </p>
<p>Spencer felt the beginning of a blush on his neck, and was intensely embarrassed. He couldn’t look the man in the eyes and was just formulating a response, when Hotchner’s eyes softened a fraction and he took a hand out of his pockets to run it through his hair. </p>
<p>“Look, I don’t mean to embarrass you. You just - you can’t leave me with a mystery like that and then expect me not to try and solve it. I would really like an answer, but we can take it out of the office, if that makes it easier.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Spencer whispered, anything to get the man out of here and himself back to a state of equilibrium. </p>
<p>“I can come and get you at five, we can go grab a cup of coffee. Sound good?” </p>
<p>“Sure,” Spencer said and watched Agent Hotchner make his way to the door. He still wondered about his ass, and also about what the hell he had just agreed to. </p>
<p>************************</p>
<p>Spencer had had his phone in his hand about five times, ready to call the switch board to cancel on Agent Hotchner. This was more than embarrassing, and while Spencer didn’t look forward to having to explain himself, he might not have a problem with sitting across from and ogling Hotchner a bit more. </p>
<p>So, when Agent Hotchner knocked on his door at exactly five o’clock - Spencer wasn’t surprised - he was ready to go.</p>
<p>They walked in companionable silence until Hotchner said, “By the way, since we’re out of the office, you’re welcome to call me Aaron. Or Hotch.”</p>
<p>Spencer threw a sideways glance at him and turned the names over in his mind. “Okay, Aaron. I’m Spencer.”</p>
<p>Aaron nodded and they entered the cafe, just as Spencer noticed that he was in dire need of a caffeine boost. </p>
<p>He ordered the biggest cup of coffee on offer and went over to the condiment bar. He heard Aaron order a mocha behind him as he kept pouring sugar into his drink, just waiting for the teasing comment he knew was coming. When he was finished, he was surprised to find Aaron standing off to the side, observing him silently. </p>
<p>They went and sat at a table in the back. Spencer looked around and found the place quite cozy. </p>
<p>“Do you come here a lot?” he asked, and Aaron said, “Quite a bit, but usually just to get my coffee to go.”</p>
<p>“Coffee is good,” Spencer said between sips, and Aaron gave him a small smile.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ve tried all the coffee shops around here and like this one best.”</p>
<p>“I might have to start coming here too, this is really good coffee.” Spencer took another sip, sighed, and decided to face things head on.“So, you wanted to talk about why I didn’t take you on as a client?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Aaron said, “I wondered if it was something I said or did. I know I’m often harsh, and I try consciously not to be.”</p>
<p>“No, no,” Spencer almost interrupted him, “it definitely wasn’t anything you said or did. You weren’t harsh in the slightest.” He felt distressed that Aaron would think this was his fault. Well, he thought, it was, he was literally too good looking, but that wasn’t something the man could control, after all.</p>
<p>“Then what? I had the feeling we really clicked, and I don’t get that a lot.” Aaron said after a minute’s silence, when it became clear Spencer wasn’t going to elaborate. </p>
<p>“It was -” Spencer swallowed. “It was for personal reasons. I’d rather not disclose more.”</p>
<p>“But Spencer, we’ve never met before, I don’t understand -”</p>
<p>“I - “ Spencer took a deep breath, “Look, at work, I have to be a hundred percent in the moment, I can’t get distracted or think about other things for any length of time.”</p>
<p>“Ah,” Aaron nodded. “I noticed you were distracted for a bit when we talked.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Spencer breathed, really not wanting to explain any more than this. “And I’m sorry, I should have just explained myself instead of telling you I was fully booked.”</p>
<p>“I just -“ Aaron looked thoughtful. “This implies that you’re not normally distracted, which means you were distracted - by me?”</p>
<p>Spencer could feel a blush creeping up into his cheeks, and god, he hated it when he blushed. He sipped his coffee and tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t make him want to disappear into a deep hole, never to be seen again. </p>
<p>“What was so distracting?” Aaron asked, voice suddenly silky smooth, looking him straight in the eyes. </p>
<p>Spencer stared as though hypnotised, and suddenly remembered Aaron’s job, and that he probably had a wealth of experience interrogating people. Well, if he used that voice and smoldering look, Spencer thought, he couldn’t imagine anyone not spilling their deepest, darkest secrets. </p>
<p>He was going to try anyway.</p>
<p>Or maybe it would be better - </p>
<p>“I - I should go,” he said, stumbling over the words. He blinked at the gorgeous man across from him and, without waiting for a reply, grabbed his jacket and his bag and all but made a run for it.</p>
<p>***********************</p>
<p>The next morning, he considered calling in sick, all out of fear of running across a certain SSA. Then he resolutely tried to get himself together, and drove to work. He didn’t have any clients that day, but a heap of paperwork was waiting for him. </p>
<p>He walked carefully to his office, always on the ready to change directions suddenly, should Aaron magically appear in front of him. When he got there, he closed the door behind him, leaned against it and exhaled. </p>
<p>That’s when he saw the coffee.</p>
<p>He squinted warily at the blue cup that was standing in the middle of his desk and decided that it was definitely from the same coffee shop they had visited the day before. After a second he took heart, went to his desk and reached for the cup. It was still steaming. Spencer hummed, he despised lukewarm coffee. </p>
<p>He took a sip and closed his eyes. It was - perfect. He looked at the cup again, in surprise. </p>
<p>This almost never happened. Whenever someone in the department went to get coffee, they never took his order seriously and brought back coffee with too little sugar. Some went overboard and poured an entire pound or something in there, but it was a delicate balance, Spencer had learned, one that had gotten him ridiculed more times than he cared to remember.</p>
<p>He hugged the cup in his hands and took another sip. The entire department favored a coffee shop closer to work, no one had ever brought back coffee from this one. Spencer tilted his head and pondered. So, Aaron had gone out of his way to get him coffee he knew he liked, remembered how he liked it prepared, and had somehow dropped it off precisely before he arrived at work.</p>
<p>That didn’t seem like the deed of someone who was angry at him for leaving them behind the day before. </p>
<p>Spencer wondered what was up with Aaron Hotchner.</p>
<p>****************************</p>
<p>Spencer went through his day and had almost forgotten about the coffee when he came to work the next morning, only to find a small package, wrapped extravagantly in green, sitting exactly where the coffee had been the day before. </p>
<p>Spencer blinked. What was going on?</p>
<p>He picked up the package and rattled it carefully next to his ear. Hmmm, nothing that would tell him what it was hiding inside.</p>
<p>He looked to make sure his door was closed, and sat down to open the package carefully. He revealed a small box of chocolate truffles, coming from an exquisite shop about an hour away. Spencer would sometimes stop there and buy some to celebrate something or to soothe himself, but never often because of the exorbitant prices. They were worth every penny though, he thought as he couldn’t resist to pick one up, smell it’s chocolatey richness and pop it into his mouth. </p>
<p>He decided that something had to be done.</p>
<p>********************************</p>
<p>It had only taken him half an hour to gather the courage to call the switchboard and ask for Aaron’s number.</p>
<p>Actually contacting the man was a different story.</p>
<p>Spencer stared at his phone. </p>
<p>After a while he started typing: -- Hi Aaron, this is Spencer. I’m sorry for the other day. Would you care for another coffee? --</p>
<p>He quickly hit send, and closed his eyes. What was done, was done. He didn’t even have time to properly worry about things, when his phone plinged and he read: * Sure. No apology necessary. Pick you up at five? *</p>
<p>He sent back a quick -- Okay -- and buried his head in his hands. What was he even doing?</p>
<p>*****************************</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked this - if yes, see you on Saturday! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a short chapter, but the next ones will make up for it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At exactly five o’clock, the knock on the door came and Aaron stuck his head in. </p>
<p>“Ready?” he asked, and Spencer replied, “Sure, let me just get my jacket and my bag.”</p>
<p>At the coffee shop, he got his usual and a brownie for good measure. Chocolate could never hurt. Aaron tilted his head slightly when he saw this, and ordered a brownie for himself. Spencer wondered if the man had a sweet tooth like himself, what with knowing the best chocolate shop around, and now this. </p>
<p>They sat down and enjoyed their pastries, until Spencer cleared his throat and said, “I know you said it’s not necessary, but I want to apologize for the other day.”</p>
<p>Aaron waved his hand dismissively, and said around his bite of brownie, “Never mind. It’s okay, honestly.”</p>
<p>“It’s really not, Aaron, I practically ran out on you.” Spencer said, feeling distressed.</p>
<p>Aaron placed his spoon next to his plate and looked at him. “Let’s put it like this. Are you going to tell me why you left?”</p>
<p>Spencer exhaled. “I’d rather not.”</p>
<p>“There you go - so, never mind.” He took up his spoon and took another bite.</p>
<p>“But -” Spencer protested, before he reconsidered. It was really no use going on about it if he didn’t plan on telling Aaron why, so he might as well let it be. He was thankful Aaron didn’t seem to want to press the point anymore.</p>
<p>“So, are you a speed reader?” Aaron asked him between two sips of coffee.</p>
<p>Spencer smiled, remembering his faux pas with the file, and replied, “Yeah, you could say that. I read very fast.”</p>
<p>“I never understand how you can take in and analyze what you’re reading that fast.”</p>
<p>“Well, it helps that I have an eidetic memory,” Spencer said, trying for conversational. He really didn’t like to open himself up like this, never knowing if he would get made fun of as a result.</p>
<p>Aaron stopped with his mug halfway to his mouth and said, wonderingly, “Yeah, that *would* help.”</p>
<p>Spencer smiled, relieved. Aaron smiled back, showing off his dimples, which utterly fascinated Spencer for some reason. But God, the man was beautiful when he smiled. </p>
<p>“Spencer? You’re doing that disappearing thing again.”</p>
<p>Spencer snapped out of it and blushed. “I’m so sorry, you were saying?”</p>
<p>“That I’m not sure it would always be that great to have an eidetic memory. In my line of work, I’m more than happy when certain things get forgotten or at least… fuzzier.”</p>
<p>Spencer tilted his head. “I know what you mean. There are definitely things I would like to forget but can’t. I don’t remember everything that’s being said, although my recall is far better than average. I’m glad for that. The written word doesn’t quite carry the same punch, for me.”</p>
<p>Aaron looked concerned. “I can imagine that, yeah. It must help you with your work, being able to recall well.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it does, on many occasions. Though I know a different position would fit me even better,” Spencer said, “and thank you, by the way.”</p>
<p>“For what?” Aaron asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. </p>
<p>“For not making me recite Arthur Conan Doyle or something.” Spencer explained.</p>
<p>“What?” Aaron looked confused.</p>
<p>“Most people want a demonstration of my eidetic memory, so they often ask me to recite my favorite book or similar.”</p>
<p>“That’s just rude,” Aaron said. Spencer heard a ring, and Aaron apologized and checked his phone. “I’m sorry, I have to take this,” he said, before answering the call. He listened for a short while, and then said, “Call everyone in, I’ll be there in ten.”</p>
<p>He looked at Spencer apologetically and said, “I’m really sorry to cut this short. We have a case, I have to get back directly.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sure, of course,” Spencer said, watching Aaron get his coat and leave the cafe. </p>
<p>Only after he had finished his brownie and his coffee did he notice that he had forgotten to ask Aaron about the gifts.</p>
<p>****************************</p>
<p>Spencer went home after the coffee shop and settled down with a few books and research texts. He was deeply engrossed and had forgotten the time when he heard his phone pling. He gave it a cursory glance, expecting some advertisement, and did a double take when he recognized Aaron’s number.</p>
<p>* Sorry again for leaving so abruptly. I hope your day was better than mine. *</p>
<p>-- No problem. I’m sorry you’re not having a good day. Bad case?” --</p>
<p>* Did I wake you? If so I’m really sorry, I meant for you to get this in the morning. *</p>
<p>-- No worries, I’m awake reading. --</p>
<p>* Ok. And yes, bad case. Multiple child abductions, sexual abuse. *</p>
<p>-- I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re on the case, though, you and your team are the best at what you do. --</p>
<p>* Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if we make that much of a difference. *</p>
<p>-- You do. Never doubt that. You won’t wonder once you catch that bastard. --</p>
<p>* Maybe. I’ll let you read. Early day tomorrow, I have to try to sleep. Good night, Spencer. *</p>
<p>-- Good night, and sleep well. --</p>
<p>Spencer stared at his phone for a good minute. He understood that Aaron wanted to apologize, even though it really wasn’t necessary, but he was worried about him having a child abduction case again. The last one had almost devastated him, and Spencer feared that he didn’t really have the coping resources to deal with another one. He thought that, had he just taken Aaron on as a client, he would be able to help him to work through this, and Aaron wouldn’t have to text people he barely knew in the middle of the night. </p>
<p>He took a deep breath and reasoned that Aaron knew his resources and that it was his own decision to be in the field - Spencer knew from his file that he had been offered time off and hadn’t taken it.</p>
<p>He looked at the time and decided to go and try to sleep. More than enough time to think about Aaron the next day, after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spencer woke not very refreshed and the only thing that got him through work was that he had a date with his best friend that night. Derek Morgan was a former cop, now FBI-trainee, who was unfailingly kind, yet decisive and clear, something that Spencer found refreshing. They had gotten to know each other two years back during a lecture series Spencer had given, and had been meeting regularly since then. </p><p>Spencer was sitting at the bar of their usual hang out, beer in front of him and one eye on the door, when Derek came in. His face lightened up when he saw Spencer, and with a slap on the shoulder and a “How are you doing, kid?” he sat down on the stool next to him. </p><p>Spencer just nodded and smiled and waited while Derek ordered his own beer.</p><p>“So what’s been going on with you? It’s been a while since I saw you.” Derek said, taking a sip.</p><p>“I’m okay,” Spencer replied, “Work is, well, work.”</p><p>“Still thinking about going into teaching or research?”</p><p>“Yes, to be honest. I’m just not getting a move on.”</p><p>“Well, everything in its time,” Derek said, and grinned at Spencer’s unbelieving glance. He was not someone for clichés, normally. </p><p>“How are you doing, anyway?” Spencer asked.</p><p>“Good, good,” Derek replied. “I’ll be finishing training in three months. Time to decide where I want to apply and all that.”</p><p>“Apropos that,” Spencer said faintly, remembering how Derek had told him over and over again that the BAU was his big dream. “I wanted to ask you something.”</p><p>“Ask away, kid.”</p><p>“I met this guy, and I want to be a better friend to him - but I don’t exactly know how to do that.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“So, I met him for an evaluation at work, just a short triage. I thought it was better to refer him to someone else right away, so I did.”</p><p>“Why though?” Derek wondered, which Spencer had known he would. Spencer blushed, which only made Derek more interested. “Well, now you have to tell me.”</p><p>“He’s very good looking. I got - distracted.” Spencer managed to get out. </p><p>Derek didn’t manage to hold in his laugh, and said, “What, you were so turned on you couldn’t think straight?”</p><p>“That’s an accurate description,” Spencer mumbled.</p><p>“So what did you do about it?”</p><p>“I told you, I referred him.” Spencer said.</p><p>“What? Without getting his number?” Derek looked scandalized.</p><p>“Derek, he was a client, I couldn’t very well ask him out, and really, why would he go out with me?”</p><p>“Oh no, not that discussion again, Reid. You’re a good looking guy, even my very straight self can see that much.”</p><p>Spencer blushed yet again. “He’s older than me, and he excels at what he does. I just, I don’t know, I feel inferior.”</p><p>“Okay,” Derek reasoned. “Was there anything else going on after you referred him?”</p><p>“Well, you could say that.” Spencer said, embarrassed. “I - I kind of told him that I had no appointments available, and he went and checked my schedule.”</p><p>Derek laughed. “Serves you right.”</p><p>“I think he knew I was lying straight away. It’s just so embarrassing!”</p><p>“Where does he work then?” Derek asked, and laughed even louder when Spencer told him. “You tried to bullshit one of the country’s best profilers? Daring, kid.”</p><p>“He’s the unit chief of the BAU.” Spencer said, not sure if that was ethically defensible, but needing to finally talk about the entire situation to someone.</p><p>Derek stared at him. “Wait, you got the hots for Aaron Hotchner?” </p><p>Spencer nodded and took a sip of beer. </p><p>“Wow!” Derek said in a low voice. “Okay, did anything happen after he confronted you? You could have just told him the truth, you know.”</p><p>“What, like, oh Agent Hotchner, I’m sorry I can’t treat you but you’re too hot?!” Spencer said, scandalized. “And yeah, he asked me to go out for coffee. So I could explain myself.”</p><p>Derek’s eyebrows shot up. “Now you’re talking. Coffee date! What did you tell him?”</p><p>“I - kind of didn’t. I may have run out and left him sitting there.”</p><p>“Oh, Reid.” Derek shook his head. “That’s no way to get your man, you know.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spencer said, fiddling with the coaster. “So I texted him and asked him to go out for coffee again, and that was okay, except he got called away for a case.”</p><p>“Hm, that doesn’t sound so bad. Did you tell him anything about how you’re feeling?”</p><p>“No, but I think I was rather transparent.”</p><p>“Well, that might not be bad -”</p><p>“There’s also the gifts.”</p><p>“Wait, what?” Derek froze with his glass half way to his mouth. “What gifts?”</p><p>“I can’t be one hundred percent sure it was him, but I deduced it had to be. He left me small things in my office, like coffee and chocolate.”</p><p>“Reid, are you kidding me?!”</p><p>“No,” Spencer said, “I wish I was. This is all such a mess. He’s on a case right now, but he texted me last night.”</p><p>“Okay, so let me get this straight. This guy notices you find him attractive, and he then proceeds to ask you out, leaves you gifts and texts you in the middle of the night?”</p><p>“Yes?” Spencer said, finding that description rather accurate, if a bit simplistic.</p><p>“My man, he’s not looking for a friend,” Derek laughed. “He’s looking for a date.”</p><p>“You think?” Spencer wondered. Surely that was pure conjecture on Derek’s part.</p><p>“I know, Reid. Look, this is something I’m good at, right? At least give me that. He’s pursuing you.” Derek took a triumphant sip of beer.</p><p>“Oh.” Spencer said, mind entirely blank.</p><p>“Yeah, oh,” Derek chuckled. “One would think you’d have figured that out by yourself, what with being a genius psychologist.”</p><p>“It’s different when it’s yourself and - oh,” Spencer said wonderingly, having no idea on how to proceed. “What do I do?”</p><p>“Well, where did you leave things?”</p><p>“Nowhere, exactly. He had to rush off on a case, and then he texted me and apologized.”</p><p>“So, text him. Ask him how he’s doing.”</p><p>“But, Derek, he’s been my client. Won’t he misconstrue that and think I’m trying to be his therapist?”</p><p>“Reid, you’ve been his therapist for all of fifteen minutes or something. Trust me, he doesn’t see you as that.”</p><p>“If you say so,” Spencer said in a doubtful tone.</p><p>“I most certainly do,” Derek smiled.</p><p>******************</p><p>Spencer really had had enough of this song and dance - the one where he would stare at his phone and almost decide to text Aaron, only to then back off and be too embarrassed to follow through. </p><p>Annoyed with himself, he took up his phone for about the fifth time, and typed out, -- Hi Aaron, I just wanted to hear how it’s going. Hope you’re making progress! -- </p><p>That sounded like he was more interested in the case than in how Aaron was doing. He sighed in frustration. He thought a second, and typed instead, -- Hey! Just wondering how you’re doing. --</p><p>He stabbed the delete button a few times and finally settled on, -- Hi Aaron! How are you holding up? Hope you had a better day today. -- </p><p>He clicked send before he could think about it further. </p><p>A few minutes later, he heard the pling he was waiting for and read, * Thank you for asking. I’m hanging in there. Got a lot done today, so can hopefully come home in a day or two. How about you? *</p><p>Spencer put his legs up on the couch to get comfortable and typed, -- I’m good. Went to a bar with my friend and had some beer and a good conversation. I hope you can come home soon, too. —</p><p>This time the reply took a few minutes, and Spencer started wondering if Aaron had fallen asleep. Then there came another pling, and the message, * I’m glad you had a good time with your friend. If we get home before the weekend, would you care to go to dinner on Friday? There’s a new Italian place I want to try. *</p><p>Spencer stared. He didn’t dare to believe it, but it seemed like Derek might have been right. <br/>Though, maybe Aaron just wanted to try out a new restaurant and was looking for friendly company? Not that he wasn’t friendly company, he was just more looking forward to eventual goodnight kisses than to the food. </p><p>-- That sounds great, I’d like that. --</p><p>* Good. I’ll text you the address when I know I’m going to make it. Time for bed, I think - sleep well, Spencer. *</p><p>-- Looking forward to it. Sleep well, too! --</p><p>Spencer looked at his messages for a while, debating if this really meant he was going on a dinner date with Aaron Hotchner. </p><p>************************</p><p>On Thursday afternoon, when Spencer checked his phone after work, he was delighted to find a message from Aaron:</p><p>* On the jet, on our way home. Want to meet tomorrow at 7? *</p><p>Spencer quickly typed, -- Glad to hear it! And yes - where? --</p><p>Aaron almost immediately replied with an address. When Spencer looked it up, he saw that it was in walking distance from his place, and it looked rather cozy. He was feeling the beginnings of butterflies in his stomach. </p><p>He typed out a quick text to Derek: -- Will go out to dinner with him tomorrow. Not sure it’s a date. --</p><p>A few minutes later, he got the reply, ~ It is, Reid. Go get him, tiger! :) ~</p><p>He shook his head at how he could almost hear Derek’s belly laugh through the text, and wondered about what he was going to wear.</p><p>***********************</p><p>On Friday night, after spending an embarrassing amount of time in front of his closet, Spencer decided on a purple shirt with slacks plus a suit vest he liked - it made his waist look almost cinched, and he had gotten compliments whenever he had worn it.</p><p>It was too late in autumn to go out without a jacket, so he took a black corduroy suit jacket with him. So far, so good. He spent some time in front of the mirror trying to tousle his hair just so, but apparently it didn’t want to behave that day. Spencer sighed, and told himself that Aaron knew what he looked like, and since he had asked him out, there had to be something about Spencer that he found attractive. If this outing was indeed a date. </p><p> When it was finally time to leave, he looked nervously in the mirror again. He gave his hair a new try and was marginally more successful, and left for the restaurant.</p><p>***********************</p><p>When he arrived at the place, he could see Aaron get out of his car. He stopped in front of the restaurant door and observed how Aaron locked his car, and turned around. As soon as he saw Spencer, he gave him a brilliant smile - Spencer couldn’t help but return it. Spencer felt a bit faint after taking Aaron in; he was wearing all black, and Spencer’s mouth was suddenly terribly dry.</p><p>“Hi!” Aaron greeted him from a few steps away, still smiling. Spencer didn’t quite know what kind of greeting would be appropriate - handshake? hug? - so he just opted for his usual wave.</p><p>“Hello, Aaron, good to see you back.”</p><p>“You too. Should we go inside?”</p><p>They did, and Spencer liked the place at once. It was just as cozy as the outside had suggested, and it smelled fabulous. He noticed for the first time that he was hungry under all his nervousness.</p><p>The waiter showed them to a booth in the back, and after they had ordered a bottle of red wine, Aaron said, “As I already said, I’m really sorry I had to leave so abruptly the other day.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t even worry about it. It’s your work, it’s important.”</p><p>Aaron gave him an appreciative glance and sipped his wine. </p><p>“So, I guess you made good progress with your case in the end?” </p><p>“Yeah, it all went very fast suddenly. We had a breakthrough after refining the geographical profile and took both victim and unsub alive.”</p><p>Spencer tried to not get distracted yet again, but Aaron had a certain smoldering heat in his gaze when he looked at him, it made him squirm in his seat.</p><p>He tried to concentrate on his menu and asked, “Any idea what’s good? Everything on here sounds mouthwatering.”</p><p>Aaron replied, “I got a recommendation from a good friend. He said the gnocchi were especially good.”</p><p>“Gnocchi gnocchi gnocchi - ah, here.” Spencer murmured. He missed Aaron’s smile at that, and decided, looking up at him, “Okay, I’ll trust your friend.”</p><p>They both ordered, and after that Aaron said, “I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. He’s Italian, and loves food.”</p><p>“Have you known each other long?” Spencer asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I met him when I was first working for the BAU. He retired to do book tours, but now he’s back on the team.”</p><p>Spencer put one and one together, and his eyes went round. “You don’t mean David Rossi?”</p><p>“The very one,” Aaron said with a laugh. </p><p>“Oh wow, I’ve read all his books,” Spencer told him enthusiastically. </p><p>“I’m sure he’d be glad to hear that. I can introduce you, if you want.”</p><p>“Really? That would be awesome!” Spencer’s eyes sparkled, before the thought crossed his mind that it might be rude being so excited about another man, what with this maybe being a date and all. “I’d like that,” he said quietly, noticing that Aaron had been smiling through the entire exchange. </p><p>He was saved by their gnocchi arriving, and after trying one, exclaimed, “Oh wow, these are really excellent.” </p><p>“They are, aren’t they?” Aaron agreed.</p><p>They were mostly silent while eating, Spencer stealing glances at Aaron every few seconds, and getting caught by him a number of times. Spencer didn’t think he had smiled this much in a long time. </p><p>When they were finished, they decided to have tiramisu for dessert. </p><p>“I wonder which kind of liquor they use,” Spencer wondered, absentmindedly, fascinated by Aaron’s hand holding his wine glass. </p><p>“For the tiramisu? Isn’t there normally amaretto in it?”</p><p>“Oh sometimes,” Spencer said, launching into lecture mode - finally something he felt totally comfortable with. “But often marsala wine is used, or coffee flavored drinks like kahlua. Did you know tiramisu was only invented in the late sixties? There is some debate over where it originated, accounts say either from Veneto or Friuli Venezia Giulia. It’s made of savoiardi, egg yolks, mascarpone, cocoa, coffee and liquor. Sometimes the mascarpone is mixed with egg whites to make it fluffier.” He chuckled under his breath, “There is also a legend that it was invented in Treviso as an aphrodisiac. It was served in brothels at the end of the evening, so the men could carry out their conjugal duties once they came home.”</p><p>Spencer stopped, seeing that Aaron had a weird look in his eyes and seemed to be staring at his mouth. “I’m sorry, I sometimes go off a bit, I’m told to keep it short all the time -”</p><p>“No, really,” Aaron replied, “it’s amazing. It’s the first time I’ve seen your memory in action. When did you read this?”</p><p>“A few years ago,” Spencer said, shyly, and Aaron shook his head. </p><p>“That’s unbelievable. Please don’t keep it short.”</p><p>Spencer ducked his head and smiled, as their desserts arrived. </p><p>Spencer ate a spoonful and said, “Disaronno, definitely,” and moaned under his breath. “God, this is so good, it melts in my mouth.”</p><p>Aaron stopped with his spoon half way to his mouth, taking a deep breath before continuing. </p><p>When they had finished about half of the desserts, Spencer asked carefully, “Can I ask you a question?”</p><p>“Sure,” Aaron said, looking at him expectantly. </p><p>“Did you make an appointment with Dr Moreno?”</p><p>“Yeah, on Monday. Why?”</p><p>“I was just worried. I know what that case did to you, and when you had one just like it immediately afterwards -”</p><p>Aaron’s features softened and he said, quietly, “Yeah, I was worried, too. But I’m not on my own, and my team helps a lot. Plus, I got to text you.”</p><p>“Anytime,” Spencer smiled. “I’m happy it helped. I’m just glad you’re okay and getting help.”</p><p>“Yeah, a bit more sleep would be nice,” Aaron said wistfully, looking tired. </p><p>Spencer nodded and bit his lip in order not to give advice. It was hard, but Aaron wasn’t his client and he didn’t want him to see Spencer as his therapist, after all. </p><p>Soon after, they decided to call it a night. When they were standing outside the restaurant in the crisp autumn air, Aaron asked, “Can I ask *you* a question?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spencer replied, and Aaron took a deep breath and said, “Can I walk you home?”</p><p>“Oh,” Spencer said, taken aback. “But your car is right here?”</p><p>“Yes,” Aaron answered, “but it’s a gorgeous evening and I’d like a bit of a walk. You could tell me more about Italian pastries.”</p><p>“Okay then,” Spencer said, laughing, and launched into a description of the general properties of biscotti as they started walking towards his apartment.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A longer chapter this time, after which Aaron's intentions should be clear - even to Spencer. ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spencer was just going on about common cannoli fillings when they reached his house. Aaron came with him up to his apartment and they climbed the stairs together in silence. Spencer turned around to face Aaron when they got to his door. </p><p>“Thank you for tonight,” he said quietly. “I really enjoyed this.”</p><p>“So did I,” Aaron said, looking him in the eyes with a gaze that suddenly carried so much heat that Spencer had a hard time looking away.</p><p>Aaron took a step closer towards him and Spencer felt the butterflies in his stomach again, thinking that this might have been a date after all.</p><p>When they were almost touching, Aaron said softly, “I’d love to kiss you good night.” </p><p>Spencer licked his lips nervously and Aaron closed his eyes for a few seconds.</p><p>“I’d - I’d love that, too,” Spencer managed to force out, and a moment later, he felt Aaron’s hand on his cheek and then soft lips on his.</p><p>Spencer sighed at the delicious pressure and Aaron deepened the kiss, exploring Spencer’s mouth slowly and languidly. Aaron’s hands skimmed down along the seams of his vest under his jacket, settling on his lower back, and Spencer shivered at the touch. He had one hand on Aaron’s shoulder, and one in the short hair at the nape of his neck, holding him in place. </p><p>His mind was blank, he couldn’t believe this was happening, and god, Aaron felt so good against him. He had pulled Spencer closer, and Spencer moaned into the kiss, giving back as good as he got. The kiss grew hotter by the minute, and Spencer was just trying to decide if he should ask Aaron to come inside when he slowly stepped away, breaking them apart. They were both breathing hard, Aaron’s pupils dilated so that the chocolate brown of his eyes was barely visible.</p><p>“I’ve been looking forward to this since we met,” he said, smiling ferally, and Spencer grinned and admitted, “Me, too.” </p><p>“I should go,” Aaron said, “but I’d love to do this again.”</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Spencer said dreamily, looking at Aaron’s lips, red and swollen from their kisses.</p><p>“Damn it,” Aaron said and with a quick step forward was in Spencer’s space again, taking his lips in a fierce kiss that made his knees buckle. </p><p>“You’re so delicious,” Aaron rumbled between kisses, so that Spencer more felt than heard the words. He kissed him back like his life depended on it in response, and wanted nothing more than to drag Aaron inside and get his clothes off.</p><p>“Okay. Going now,” Aaron said as they were both panting. “Good night, Spencer.” He pressed his lips softly against Spencer’s for a last time, then stepped away and turned around. </p><p>“Good night, Aaron,” Spencer said quietly, wonderingly, and Aaron looked back at him with want in his eyes.</p><p>He disappeared down the stairs and Spencer fumbled his apartment door open.</p><p>Definitely a date.</p><p>*********************************************</p><p>The next day, Spencer found a little bag of biscotti on his desk, and laughed delightedly. He had slept well, for a change, and the orgasm he had stroked himself to before falling asleep, remembering how Aaron felt against him, had been out of this world.</p><p>He daydreamed through much of his paperwork and barely managed to listen to his clients. He had never been on such a high after a few kisses, and enjoyed it immensely.</p><p>Shortly after lunch, there was a knock on his door. He called “Come in!” absentmindedly, expecting a colleague coming by for a chat. He grinned when Aaron came in instead, and stepped out from behind his desk.</p><p>“Hi,” Aaron said apologetically, “I hope I’m not disturbing you?”</p><p>“Not in the slightest,” Spencer replied, his mind already wondering if there would be more kisses in his immediate future.</p><p>Aaron smiled and took a step closer. “We’re wheels up in thirty. I just wanted to ask you if you felt like going out somewhere when I get back?”</p><p>Spencer raised his eyebrows and said, playfully, “Sure. But you could have just texted me, you know.”</p><p>Aaron grinned, and stepping even closer, tucked a rogue curl behind Spencer’s ear. “Yeah,” he said softly, “but I couldn’t text you this.”</p><p>He leaned in and Spencer put his hands around his neck, smiling, until Aaron took his lips in a kiss. It was tender and sweet, and Spencer melted into it. Aaron sucked at his tongue gently, his hands wandering down Spencer’s back, and Spencer thought that, surely, kissing wasn’t supposed to be this bloody good. It never had been before. He tilted his head and took control of the kiss, pouring all his urgency into it, making Aaron moan. He swallowed down the moan, exploring Aaron’s mouth with tongue and teeth, wanting suddenly so much more than just kisses.</p><p>“I want you,” he whispered hotly into Aaron’s ear, not caring they were at work, or that they only had a few minutes. Aaron sucked in a breath of air and rubbed his growing hardness against Spencer’s. </p><p>“I want you, too.” he whispered back, kissing him in a spot right below his ear that drove Spencer mad. He looked Spencer in the eyes, again with that heat in his gaze that made Spencer go weak in the knees, and said, “I really have to run now, though. You want to have - dinner at my place when I get back?”</p><p>“You bet,” Spencer purred, encouraged that the slight break in Aaron’s voice meant that far more than dinner would be happening. “Take care of yourself,” he added with a hint more seriousness.</p><p>Aaron nodded and broke their embrace. “Can I text you after we finish tonight?”</p><p>“Anytime.” Spencer smiled. </p><p>“Okay. See you soon,” Aaron said, before walking out of the office, leaving Spencer with a hard on and nothing to do about it.</p><p>************************************</p><p>Later that night, Aaron texted Spencer, * This one will be done soon. Got a lead from the tipline early on, if we’re lucky, we can get home tomorrow afternoon. *</p><p>Spencer smiled and typed back, -- That sounds great, congratulations! -- and after thinking for a second, added, -- It will be good to see you again. --</p><p>* You, too. I’m thinking about kissing you far too much. * </p><p>Spencer felt like squeeing into a pillow at the idea that Aaron was actually flirting with him. </p><p>-- That’s mutual. I’m distracted a whole lot these days. --</p><p>* Yeah, same here. I’ll text you from the plane. *</p><p>-- Looking forward to it. Sleep tight! --</p><p>* Thank you. Sleep sweet, Spencer. *</p><p>**************************</p><p>To Spencer’s delight, the case broke that same day and the team was able to fly back the day after, just as Aaron had predicted. </p><p>Aaron texted him as promised and gave him his address so they could meet up the same night.<br/>Spencer opted for a lavender shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and jeans this time around. He nervously bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for Aaron to open the door to his apartment. When he did, Spencer had a hard time breathing. Aaron was in jeans and a black T-shirt, barefoot. Spencer stared at his arms, at the muscles playing under the skin as Aaron closed the door.</p><p>“Hi,” he said, bemused, and Spencer tore his gaze away from his arms to his eyes.</p><p>“Oh, hi!” he answered, slightly embarrassed - apparently all that Aaron had to do was wear a tight T-shirt and no socks to drive him to distraction.</p><p>“Come on in,” Aaron said, turning around and walking towards what Spencer guessed was the kitchen.</p><p>He followed along and Aaron explained over his shoulder, “I hope you eat meat. I thought we could have steak - but otherwise we can order in, I don’t mind.”</p><p>“Oh no, meat is fine,” Spencer replied, food being the last thing on his mind. He was currently staring at Aaron’s ass moving in his jeans, and would have said yes to whatever. He remembered to stop before they got to the kitchen, thankfully. </p><p>He followed Aaron to the kitchen island, where he seemed to have been preparing a salad.</p><p>“Can I help?” he asked, and Aaron replied, “Sure. I’m as good as finished though. You could mix all this together in the salad bowl over there, and I’ll start on the steaks.”</p><p>Spencer looked at the little heaps of tomatoes, cucumbers, radishes and the plate of bacon in front of him. </p><p>“Mmmh, bacon,” he said, stealing a piece from the plate and putting it into his mouth, licking the grease from his fingers. “Oh,” he closed his eyes and said dreamily, “I love when it’s all crunchy -”</p><p>“Spencer.”</p><p>Spencer opened his eyes, noticing that the voice was suddenly much closer than Aaron had been just a second ago.</p><p>“Y-yes?” Spencer said, thinking he’d probably been terribly rude right then.</p><p>Aaron stared into his eyes from where he was standing, just outside Spencer’s space, and said softly, “I’m not going to make it through dinner with you, am I?”</p><p>“Why not?” Spencer asked, stunned, wondering if he was really losing the plot now.</p><p>“Because-” Aaron said, taking a step closer. He crowded Spencer against the edge of the island, and took up another piece of bacon. He held it up in front of Spencer’s mouth, and Spencer’s brain short circuited for a second. Not thinking at all, for once, he took the piece with his lips, and hummed appreciatively when the taste exploded on his tongue. </p><p>“That’s why,” Aaron whispered in a low voice, and since he hadn’t moved his hand, Spencer kept on not thinking, and grabbed Aaron’s wrist to keep it there. Carefully, he licked Aaron’s fingers clean of bacon grease, and when he raised his eyes to look at Aaron, his eyes were half closed, and somehow the temperature in the room had gone up twenty degrees.</p><p>“I’m not that hungry,” Spencer said, surprised at the huskiness in his voice.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s weird how that works,” Aaron murmured, dislodging Spencer’s hand from his wrist and lacing their fingers together instead. “Come on.”</p><p>Spencer tried not to stumble on what was obviously the way to the bedroom. Just thinking about being in Aaron’s bedroom and what they might do there had him half hard already, and nothing had really happened yet. </p><p>Aaron opened the bedroom door, and as soon as they had walked through it, he spun around, shoved Spencer against the wall and took his lips in a bruising kiss. Spencer whimpered into it and grabbed at Aaron’s waist, holding on as hard as he could. </p><p>“You don’t know what you do to me,” Aaron panted, opening the first button on Spencer’s shirt and biting into the soft flesh between neck and shoulder. “All the fucking time,” he added hoarsely, biting harder. </p><p>Spencer groaned and decided that whatever he was doing to Aaron, he’d do his best to keep doing it, if this was the result.</p><p>The thought that Aaron was marking him, that he would be able to run his fingers over the bruise and feel the ghost of Aaron’s mouth on him, drove him into action. He ran a hand through Aaron’s hair and moved his head back up so he could kiss him, tangling their tongues together. Aaron melted into the kiss and moaned under his breath, and Spencer moved his hands down and under Aaron’s shirt to finally touch skin. </p><p>He ran his hands up toward Aaron’s shoulder blades, making Aaron gasp into his mouth. Spencer broke the kiss before they ran out of air and Aaron took the opportunity to take his shirt off. After reading Aaron’s file, Spencer had known there would be scars. He ran his hands over Aaron’s chest, and didn’t miss the fleeting insecure look in his eyes. </p><p>Spencer relaxed against the wall and pulled Aaron’s head towards him, kissing him gently and whispering, “You’re gorgeous,” while running his hands all over him. </p><p>Aaron sighed and licked into Spencer’s mouth, and Spencer was so hard he was pretty sure he could come just from kissing him. </p><p>Aaron was working on his shirt buttons, and as soon as he got down far enough, Spencer pulled the shirt unceremoniously over his head. Aaron stroked his hands down Spencer’s sides, watching him moan through half lidded eyes. </p><p>Aaron took a step back and asked, “Bed?” and Spencer nodded enthusiastically, making him smile. </p><p>He watched Aaron open his jeans as he went towards the bed, and kicked off his shoes and stripped down to his boxers, himself. Aaron watched him hotly and shoved down his jeans before climbing on the bed.</p><p>Spencer joined him, propping himself up on his elbow, looking down at Aaron. “I think I could come just from kissing you,” he said, and Aaron laughed softly and shook his head. “You’re such a hedonist.”</p><p>Spencer bent his head until they were almost kissing, and asked, “Is that a bad thing?”</p><p>“No, I adore it,” Aaron whispered, closed the distance between them and kissed him softly. </p><p>Spencer hummed and rolled on top of Aaron, both of them gasping when their cocks inside their boxers touched. “I think we’re overdressed, still,” he murmured, and Aaron moved for him to sit up. They both took off their boxers, threw them to the side and were back together in a second, moving against each other. </p><p>Spencer wormed a hand down between them and grasped both their cocks, making Aaron arch his back slightly and let out a beautiful moan that almost sent Spencer over the edge. His hips stuttered and he brought his hand back up, telling Aaron breathlessly, “I don’t want this to be over so soon.”</p><p>Aaron grinned, hooked his leg behind Spencer’s and flipped them over. “Good. Because I wasn’t planning to let you go before you’ve fucked me.”</p><p>Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and asked himself, yet again, if this could be real. Just the thought of being inside Aaron set him on fire, and he did the first thing that came to mind, which was to raise his head and catch Aaron’s lips in a kiss that he deepened immediately. </p><p>He drew a sigh from Aaron and swallowed it, biting and licking at Aaron’s lips. Aaron ground down on him and Spencer shivered at the delicious friction. Spencer was desperately close and had no idea how to hang on until he was actually inside Aaron, when the thought alone was too much for him.</p><p>Aaron broke their kiss and rolled over to reach the bedside table. He returned with lube and a condom in his hand, and knelt by Spencer’s feet. Aaron lubed up his left hand and looked at Spencer, holding his gaze, while he moved his hand behind him and started preparing himself. Spencer saw his eyelids flutter and his breath catch when he entered himself, and he couldn’t help taking his cock in a light grip and giving himself a gentle tug. He didn’t want to come so soon, but the touch felt so good, and Aaron looked positively sinful. </p><p>Spencer propped himself up on a pillow to see better, and when Aaron suddenly gasped and arched his back, Spencer knew he had found his prostate.</p><p>“Do that again,” he whispered, now stroking himself in earnest, consequences be damned. </p><p>Aaron shook his head breathlessly and forced out, “Can’t. I’ll come.”</p><p>Spencer closed his eyes and stilled his hand with some hidden willpower he was able to dredge up. His eyes flew open at Aaron’s low moan, and just the look of him, preparing himself, head thrown back and sweat glistening on his chest, made him groan. </p><p>Spencer searched with one hand for the condom Aaron had put on the bed, and when he found it, pulled it over his cock. That stimulation alone was almost too much, and when he looked up, he saw Aaron was watching him with dark eyes. </p><p>When he lay back, Aaron crawled towards him, and Spencer thought he might faint. Aaron quickly lubed him up, the fleeting touch inflaming Spencer further, before he positioned himself and, after finding Spencer’s eyes with his, sank down slowly on Spencer’s cock.</p><p>They gasped in unison, and Spencer couldn’t help closing his eyes, concentrating on how incredibly hot and tight Aaron was around his dick. Aaron started moving, rolling his hips in an obscene way that made Spencer moan under his breath.</p><p>Aaron leaned down towards Spencer, changing the angle in the most delightful way, and Spencer tried to kiss him at the same time as arching his back. He whispered, “You’re amazing,” just before Aaron’s lips caught his, and felt them curve in a smile.</p><p>Aaron broke the kiss, and said, “I want to come with you fucking me, hard,” and Spencer’s vision blacked out for a second. He keened when Aaron moved off of him and tugged at his arm to make him roll over on top of him. He needed to be back inside him, right this second, so he tried to get his bearings. Spencer got up on his knees and leaned over Aaron, guiding his cock with his one hand and putting his weight on the other.</p><p>Seconds later, he was inside Aaron again, marvelling at the heat of him, watching him throw his head back and moan quietly.</p><p>Spencer knew he couldn’t possibly last long, so he set a fast pace that grew more and more frantic the more he lost control. Aaron was right there with him, his cock sliding between their bodies, weeping precome. His hands were digging into Spencer’s hips, urging him on, and Spencer felt marked all over, looking forward to pressing his fingers into the bruises later and making them hurt. As if Aaron knew what he was thinking, he chose that moment to give the most delicious moan and bit down hard, again, into the same bruise on Spencer’s neck that he had given him earlier. </p><p>Spencer almost shouted at that, the delectable pain propelling him impossibly close to exploding on the spot. </p><p>He fucked into Aaron without restraint, and Aaron’s lips left his neck just to whisper, “God, Spencer, just like that, I’m so close,” which made holding on not exactly easier. </p><p>Seconds later, Aaron arched his back, his mouth open in a silent scream, and Spencer could feel his cock pulsing between them, spurting again and again as though it would never stop.<br/>Spencer fucked him through it, keeping his own approaching orgasm clamped tightly under control, though how, he couldn’t say. When he felt Aaron relax, he consciously let go, and came almost instantaneously, the strength of his orgasm wringing a shout from him. </p><p>He collapsed on top of Aaron, his face hiding in Aaron’s neck, and when his brain slowly came back online, he noticed that Aaron was holding him tight, his hand drawing circles on his back. </p><p>“That was magnificent,” Aaron whispered into his ear, and Spencer shivered and asked, “Am I crushing you?”</p><p>“No, don’t worry about it,” Aaron said, moving one hand away from Spencer’s back only to draw the blanket over them both. Spencer hummed, tangled their legs together, and was out like a light in a minute.</p><p>******************* </p><p>Spencer woke up some hours later, of what, he couldn’t have said. He was still lying half on top of Aaron and could feel his warmth all along his body. He looked at Aaron’s face, relaxed in sleep, and couldn’t suppress a wave of affection coursing through him. He wasn’t sure that was wise, after all, they had not yet talked about what they both wanted out of this. Spencer wondered if he was supposed to be there at all - he had practically fallen asleep on Aaron, no, literally fallen asleep on him, and maybe he had let him stay out of pure politeness. </p><p>He made a decision and slowly disentangled himself from Aaron, having a hard time leaving his heat behind. He climbed out of bed and was just looking for his clothes in the half darkness - they had forgotten to turn the lights off in the corridor in their frenzy - when he heard a sleepy voice behind him, saying, “What are you doing?”</p><p>Spencer spun around and saw Aaron, hair on end, propped up on his arm. The blanket was slung low around his hips and Spencer swallowed. “I - I wasn’t sure if I should stay -”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Well, I thought, you might want -” he stumbled over his words.</p><p>Aaron interrupted him in a soft voice, “If this is about what I want, then get back into bed.”</p><p>Spencer looked at him for a second, not sure what to think, and sat down on the edge of the bed. He heard Aaron move behind him and felt his hand on his back soon after. </p><p>“Come on, lie down with me.” Aaron said softly, his voice calm and sure. Spencer was rather embarrassed about this entire thing, but when Aaron’s hand reached his shoulder and tugged him backwards slowly, he went with it, rolling around and facing Aaron.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said quietly, and Aaron smiled. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Aaron said lightly, “I’m used to being awake in the middle of the night.” He bent down and kissed Spencer on the lips, softly, and continued down his jawline and neck until he arrived at the bruise, which received an extra lick that made Spencer shiver. “Stay with me,” he said against Spencer’s skin, and Spencer wondered how people ever left him. </p><p>He ran his hands over his back and down his sides, and when Aaron looked up to look him in the eyes, he smiled hesitantly and said, “I’d love to stay.”</p><p>Aaron let out a breath and smiled sleepily. “Good. I’ll make us steak and eggs for breakfast.” He lay back down, pulled Spencer half on top of him again, and replaced the blanket. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered, and Spencer thought that, yes, he would.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next time Spencer woke was eminently more pleasurable. He could feel a hand running down his chest, and opened his eyes to the sight of Aaron’s face above him. </p><p>“Good morning,” Aaron said softly, bending down to kiss him. The kiss was sweet and chaste, but Aaron’s hand was anything but. It had arrived at Spencer’s belly button and sneaked under the blanket to continue its journey, until Aaron reached Spencer’s morning erection and took it in a firm grip. Spencer moaned into the kiss and arched his back, feeling deliciously half-asleep and immensely turned on. </p><p>Aaron turned the kiss positively filthy within a second, biting on Spencer’s lower lip until he gasped and let Aaron’s tongue in to slide against his own. He stroked Spencer’s cock with a determination that made him shudder and groan with every stroke. Spencer could feel Aaron’s erection against his side, and was just moving his hand towards it when Aaron moved more on top of him and started kissing and biting down his chest. </p><p>Spencer strained towards Aaron, his mouth and his hand, wanting more and more. Aaron shoved the blanket away on his way downward, and when it hit Spencer what was about to happen, he forgot to breathe. </p><p>Aaron looked up at him when he reached his cock, rearranging himself between his legs. He still had his hand on Spencer, stroking him lightly, and stopped only to give him a lick from base to tip. Spencer panted, at least as aroused by the sight of Aaron as by what he made him feel. <br/>He couldn’t take his eyes off him as he slowly took the head of Spencer’s cock into his mouth and ran his tongue around it. Aaron had closed his eyes and looked almost blissful. He took Spencer in deeper, slowly rutting against the comforter he was lying on. He looked so lost in his pleasure that Spencer suddenly felt like he had to come this very moment. </p><p>“God, Aaron, so close,” he gasped, and Aaron looked up at him and kept watching him as he swallowed him down. Spencer’s head hit the pillow, his hands grasping and tangling in the bed linens. Aaron swallowed around him and Spencer could hear himself make the most obscene noises. He closed his eyes when heat pooled along his spine, racing towards the tip of his cock at breathtaking speed. </p><p>He arched his back and shouted when he came, falling back bonelessly onto the bed. When he opened his eyes a second later, he did so to the breathtaking sight of Aaron kneeling between his legs, stroking himself at a furious pace, looking at him with wild eyes. “Ever since I met you -” was all he got out until he came with a moan that echoed off the walls, his come pulsing on Spencer’s stomach and chest. His head thrown back, his skin shiny with sweat, he was the most mesmerizing thing Spencer had ever seen. </p><p>Aaron fell forward on top of Spencer, putting his weight on his arms. He was breathing heavily, but kissed Spencer anyway. Spencer kissed back greedily, wanting Aaron to understand how amazing he thought he was, until Aaron had to break away to take a breath. </p><p>Spencer’s stomach chose that moment to make itself known, rumbling loudly. They both looked at each other and laughed, and Aaron said, “Take the first shower, I’ll get breakfast ready.”</p><p>He kissed Spencer quickly before getting up. Spencer watched him put on a pair of training pants and disappear through the door until he got up himself, padding into the bathroom. While he was standing under the warm stream of water, watching the rest of Aaron’s come wash away from his body, he wondered if this would happen again. He knew he got attached easily, and that most other people didn’t. He sighed, and resigned himself to enjoying the breakfast he had left with Aaron.</p><p>*******************</p><p>Spencer was surprised when he received a text from Aaron two days later, asking him to meet up again. He had thought, for sure, that Aaron had just felt lust for him - why ever that was - so he hadn’t counted on hearing from him again.</p><p>He had thought about telling Aaron that he was busy, but at the same time, he just couldn’t say no to the man. Especially after the last night they had spent together, which had been downright magnificent. Spencer thought of Aaron every time he jerked off, and he wasn’t sure he was man enough to resist another night with him. As long as he was conscious of not getting attached, which was easier said than done, he should be okay. </p><p>That was how he found himself in front of Aaron’s door for the second time this week. </p><p>He was afraid that it had been a mistake to come as soon as Aaron opened said door with a brilliant smile on his face, showing off his gorgeous dimples. </p><p>Spencer went inside, only to be swooped up in Aaron’s arms and kissed within an inch of his life as soon as he had closed the door.</p><p>He closed his eyes and kissed Aaron back, licking into his mouth. It was just impossible for him to refuse Aaron, he was so overwhelming, and, more than that, so delicious.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you made dinner again,” Spencer joked, breathlessly.</p><p>“No, no dinner,” Aaron conceded, “I thought we could order in, whenever - it suited us.”</p><p>Whenever we get out of bed, more like, Spencer thought. He smiled. Despite his anxiety of getting too attached, he couldn’t but look forward to another night with Aaron.</p><p>He took a step towards Aaron and caught his lips in a kiss. He whispered, “Take me to bed,” against his mouth and Aaron growled, took his hand, and led him to the bedroom.</p><p>They started undressing on the way, letting their clothes fall in a trail to the bedroom, and were both in their underwear when they reached the bed. </p><p>Spencer had spent hours imagining what Aaron would taste like, how he would feel on his tongue, so when Aaron took off his boxers, threw them to the side and sat down on the bed, looking positively mouthwatering, Spencer took the opportunity and went down on his knees. He almost didn’t hear Aaron’s surprised gasp, and his moan when he took him into his mouth; he was so overwhelmed by the taste of him, the silky heaviness on his tongue. </p><p>He changed position a little to be able to look at Aaron and saw him staring down at him with dark eyes, leaning back on one hand and bringing the other forward to rest lightly on the back of Spencer’s head.</p><p>Spencer hummed happily, watching Aaron’s eyes close. He sucked Aaron down and swallowed around him, which made the hand on the back of his head clench in his hair. Spencer relaxed his throat and took Aaron all the way in. Aaron made a filthy sound at that, and Spencer suddenly wanted nothing more than for him to come in his mouth, filling him up, to taste all of him. He hollowed his cheeks, sucking him hard, interspersing that with swallowing around him, and soon had Aaron moaning continuously, his hand in Spencer’s hair contracting and relaxing rhythmically. </p><p>Finally, Aaron gasped, “Spencer, I’m going to - oh god!” when Spencer promptly redoubled his efforts. Seconds later, Aaron came down his throat, curling his upper body forward, clenching his hands in Spencer’s hair. His groan made Spencer rock hard at once, and letting Aaron’s cock slip gently out of his mouth, he climbed onto his lap and kissed him, both breathing hard.</p><p>“God, Spencer,” Aaron panted, “I can taste myself on you,” and he kissed him again, fiercely, pressing Spencer against him. </p><p>Spencer squirmed on Aaron’s lap, being painfully hard now, and begged, “Aaron, your hand, please,” at which Aaron’s gaze grew positively incendiary. He moved his hand between their bodies and fisted it around Spencer’s cock. Gathering the precome from the tip, he began stroking Spencer at a harsh pace, adding a twist at the tip; something which never failed to drive Spencer crazy. He put his face into Aaron’s neck and moaned helplessly as he came all over Aaron’s hand and their chests. </p><p>They showered together and afterwards ordered take out and made themselves comfortable on the couch. Spencer became more and more unsure about how things were going to go - was he supposed to stay the night? Go home? Was Aaron just too polite to tell him to leave?</p><p>As it was, Aaron told him, “You know, the first time I slept through the night was the day before yesterday.”</p><p>Spencer smiled. “You didn’t really, though, I woke you up in the middle of it.”</p><p>Aaron laughed, “Yeah, you did, but I fell asleep right after, so it doesn’t count.” </p><p>“I won’t forget the morning after soon,” Spencer said, almost wistfully, and Aaron looked at him with an odd look in his eyes for a second.</p><p>“Me neither,” he said softly, and added with a short laugh, “It’s not easy, getting you out of my system.”</p><p>There it was, Spencer thought. There it was, at last.</p><p>He wasn’t going to stay around for more humiliation, for more quips that showed him that he was nothing but an, if ever so lovely, pastime, someone to take to bed and fuck until interest waned, until he was out of Aaron’s system.</p><p>He put down his glass of wine, and trying for a steady voice, said, “I’d better go now.”</p><p>Aaron looked at him, clearly not understanding. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”</p><p>“No, not at all,” Spencer assured him, trying to keep his disappointment out of his tone. “I just think it’s better I get home, I have work to prepare for tomorrow.”</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Aaron said, doubtfully. He seemed to think for a moment and obviously decided to let it go. Good, Spencer thought, he really didn’t want to discuss this further.</p><p>After he had almost fled the apartment, without so much as a kiss good night, Spencer cursed himself on the way home. He had really started to believe Aaron would be different, but as it turned out, he couldn’t have been more wrong.</p><p>******************</p><p>Spencer tried to keep his thoughts away from Aaron as much as he could. He worked furiously and read almost all the time when he was at home, something that normally sufficed to keep his brain at bay - but not this time. </p><p>He wondered what was wrong. This wasn’t the first time this had happened to him, him getting attached and his feelings being not only not returned, but apparently trampled on. What was wrong with him, why did he never see it coming? Every bloody time he was reduced to just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always on the defensive. Always reacting. He shook his head. </p><p>When Derek called and asked if he was free that night it was a welcome distraction. This time he was the last to arrive, sliding into the booth where he had spied Derek when he had entered the bar. He put down his beer, and smiled at his friend.</p><p>“Hi, Reid!” Derek beamed, but after seeing Spencer’s face, his smile fell at once. “Man, you look awful. What’s wrong?”</p><p>Spencer gave him a thin smile and took a sip of beer. “I’d rather not talk about it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Derek said. He laughed shortly and asked, “How does that normally work out for you?”</p><p>Spencer sighed. “You annoy me until I tell you anyway?”</p><p>“That’s exactly right. So you can just as well tell me directly.”</p><p>Spencer sat silent for a bit, staring at his beer. At last he lifted his eyes and said, “I don’t know why it is so hard for me not to get emotionally attached at lightning speed. I -”</p><p>“Whoa, wait,” Derek interrupted, waving his hand. “What brought this on? Tell me from the start.”</p><p>“It’s Aaron. Aaron Hotchner, you remember?”</p><p>“Yes, of course.” Derek nodded. “What about him? How did your date go?”</p><p>Spencer smiled sadly. “It went great. Everything went great, but in the end -”</p><p>“You’re jumping ahead again. What happened at the end of the date?”</p><p>Spencer blushed and Derek grinned. “Okay. Gotcha. And after that?”</p><p>“We met at his place, for dinner.” Spencer was really not keen to discuss details - not only was it embarrassing, but in spite of what Aaron had said, he treasured a lot of their very short encounters, and it felt wrong to share them. </p><p>“What did you have?”</p><p>Spencer couldn’t help laughing and said, giving Derek a pointed stare, “There was no food that night.”</p><p>“Ooooo,” Derek leaned forward. “Now we’re getting to it. Tell me more, man.”</p><p>“I will most certainly not.” Spencer crossed his arms. </p><p>Derek rolled his eyes and said, “Fair enough. But you had fun?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Spencer said quietly. “A lot of it.”</p><p>Derek took a sip of his beer and grinned. “Okay. Why are you worrying so much then?”</p><p>“We saw each other again. He texted me and asked me to come over, and - things happened, and then -” Spencer stopped talking at Derek’s smug grin. “What?”</p><p>“You should really try putting your experience into words, it might help with - ouch!” </p><p>Spencer had slapped his arm, hard, so that Derek stopped repeating his own words back at him. It was true that Spencer always needled him about properly wording his feelings and thoughts, and the other way around it just wasn’t as fun, it turned out.</p><p>“I know I probably need more therapy, but I didn’t have the time. And I didn’t feel like dredging things up again, okay?”</p><p>Derek’s look sobered and he said, in a low voice, “Kid, you’re okay just the way you are. I’m sorry. So you met again, had fun I presume, and then what happened?”</p><p>Spencer took a deep breath. “He told me that it was hard to get me out of his system.”</p><p>“That sounds like a compliment to me.”</p><p>Spencer shook his head. “It wasn’t. Or maybe it was, I have no clue, but the fact is that I had already grown fond of him. I - I just can’t keep myself in check, I get feelings about everyone who gives me the time of day. It’s humiliating.”</p><p>Derek stopped his rant by putting a hand on his shoulder. “Look. I know you were badly hurt before. And I get how that stays with you. But what if Aaron really didn’t mean anything by what he said? Are you willing to let this go over a possible misunderstanding?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Spencer said quietly, hiding his face in his hands for a few seconds. “What happened before, with Tom, I don’t want to let it break me for all eternity. It’s just so hard to imagine someone will want me for me, after that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Derek nodded. “But the thing is that it seems to me that every time you’ve met, Aaron has been the one to take the initiative. First with the gifts, then with your dates. It certainly looks like he was pursuing you. Why else would he have gone through all that trouble?”</p><p>“I have no idea,” Spencer replied. “Maybe he was just after some casual sex. Which again, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not what I’ve been looking for, apparently. At least not with him. Dammit, I should have stopped this long before we even fell into bed, I -”</p><p>“Oh, come on, Reid, there’s nothing wrong with having some fun for a change, either. You picked yourself up after Tom and this is the first time I see you actually interested in someone. How long has it been, a year, two?”</p><p>“Nineteen months,” Spencer said quietly.</p><p>“Yeah. And the guy was an ass, and what he did to you was awful, but it’s about time you let someone in.”</p><p>“Maybe. Yeah.” Spencer took a sip of beer. “I just don’t know if he wants to be let in.”</p><p>“Well, you should decide if you want him to and ask him.” Derek shrugged. “Hasn’t he tried to contact you since this happened?”</p><p>“He’s called and texted, and yes, I’ve ghosted him.”</p><p>“Oh, seriously, kid! Write that man a text tonight, and get this resolved. Might help you sleep.”</p><p>Spencer smiled faintly. </p><p>******************************</p><p>After he got home, Spencer did send Aaron a quick, * Are you still awake? *, but came to the conclusion that Aaron probably wasn’t, since he didn’t get a reply. </p><p>After work the next day, still without an answering text, Spencer thought about calling Aaron. Before he could convince himself otherwise, he searched through his contacts and dialled. </p><p>“Hotchner,” a crisp voice answered, and Spencer felt his heartbeat speed up. </p><p>“Aaron, hi, this is Spencer,” he said.</p><p>“Hi,” the voice replied, “I really don’t have time to talk right now, we’re in Oklahoma on a case.”</p><p>“Oh,” Spencer said, “I’m sorry. Will you be able to talk tonight?”</p><p>“Probably not,” Aaron said, impatience now more and more on the surface. Spencer closed his eyes and willed his voice not to shake.</p><p>“Look, I think I misunderstood you when we last met. I’m sorry, I have some insecurities I have to deal with, and -”</p><p>“Spencer, I really don’t have time.” </p><p>“Yeah, I can call another day,” Spencer said, deflated.</p><p>“No, you don’t understand me. I don’t have time. For this.” His voice sounded tired, cold, and harsh, and nothing like how Spencer remembered it. </p><p>Spencer didn’t know what to say and after a second, Aaron ended the call.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spencer would have liked to cry. He wasn’t sure it would help, but it would be some change and a chance to get his brain to do something other than go into overdrive.</p>
<p>Aaron wasn’t interested. That was fine. Only it wasn’t, it really wasn’t, and Spencer didn’t know what to do with himself. </p>
<p>He was a good compartmentalizer, so he went to work the next day and sat there and listened to his clients as usual, asking the right questions here and there, hming at the right moments. His heart wasn’t in it, but was it ever? He carried on.</p>
<p>He bought takeaway on his way home and ate without an appetite. When his phone rang and he saw Aaron’s name, he almost didn’t pick up. In a rare wave of anger, he did anyway. </p>
<p>“Reid.”</p>
<p>“Hi, Spencer. Look, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I haven’t slept for days, and the case is rough. I -”</p>
<p>Spencer interrupted, “You said what you said. It’s alright. I’d rather know what you really think.”</p>
<p>“It’s not what I -”</p>
<p>“No matter.” Spencer’s brain was finally, blissfully quiet. Icecold, but quiet. “You won’t be able to fix this with coffee and chocolates. Don’t call me again.” He disconnected the call.</p>
<p>Spencer threw the phone on the table and reached for the newspaper. Those job ads looked more and more tempting. </p>
<p>*********************</p>
<p>Aaron didn’t call again.</p>
<p>A few days later, after his last client had left, there was a knock on Spencer’s door. Spencer had never met the man that entered the room, yet he would have known him anywhere.</p>
<p>“Agent Rossi,” he said, smiling despite himself. He came out from behind his desk and shook hands with his visitor. “I’m a great fan of your books.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Agent Rossi said, “Can we talk for a minute?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Spencer replied, leading the way to the two armchairs in the corner of his office. </p>
<p>They sat down and Agent Rossi stapled his fingers in front of his chest. “I’m here because of Aaron Hotchner, as you might have guessed.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I thought so,” Spencer said, feeling surprisingly calm. He liked Agent Rossi already, and he was glad Aaron hadn’t come himself - no chance of much calm with him close by. </p>
<p>“Look, I’ve known Aaron for years. I thought that he was finally on his way, that he was doing better, and then, a few days ago, he just -” Rossi hesitated. “Anyway, I was wondering if that had anything to do with you.”</p>
<p>“It might have,” Spencer said honestly. “But there’s nothing to be done about that.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?” Rossi leaned forward. “I’m pretty sure he wishes things were different.”</p>
<p>“He told me in no uncertain terms what he thought about me,” Spencer said, aware of the hint of steel creeping into his voice. “I’m afraid the matter is closed for me.”</p>
<p>Rossi looked at him for a moment, then nodded resignedly. “Okay. I guess it’s none of my business to ask any further.” He got up, shook Spencer’s hand again, and said, on his way to the door, “I wish you’d reconsider. You’re letting the best get away.”</p>
<p>Spencer smiled thinly. “I wish him all the best.”</p>
<p>Rossi nodded and went on his way. Spencer closed the door behind him, leaned against it and let out a long breath. Wow. David Rossi. In his office. He shook his head. Was he letting the best get away? He heard Aaron’s voice in his head, his memory recalling it exactly as cold and sharp as it had been in the moment. “I don’t have time. For this.” He sighed, went back to his desk and started to pack his bag. </p>
<p>********************************** </p>
<p>During the next few weeks, Spencer was annoyed with himself when thoughts of Aaron came up at the most inopportune moments. He knew that even his mind would eventually allow some memories to be dulled, but it seemed to be too early for that. Sometimes it was Aaron’s laugh in his ear, sometimes the feel of the skin right below his collarbone. Spencer shivered. </p>
<p>Aaron was still all he could think of when he jerked off, but then he was his latest experience. He thought about replacing that memory with something new for a while, something that wouldn’t make him feel sadness and anger and despair all at once, something light and casual. He knew instinctively that was a bad idea. He cherished his memories with Aaron against his will, hanging onto them for the joy they had brought him at the time, rather than for what came afterwards. </p>
<p>***************************</p>
<p>He decided when he was sitting with a client, of all things. He had been wondering when his heart had last been in his work, and had not been able to remember. That was the day he handed in his notice.</p>
<p>He figured it was as good a way as any to get a bit more distance between his brain and his memories. Here he was constantly reminded that he worked in the same building as Aaron, which automatically led his thoughts towards their time together, and, invariably, its end. </p>
<p>Handing in his notice had not been scary as he was afraid it would be. It had been exciting. Spencer felt nothing but bone deep relief the day he packed his few personal belongings into his bag and left the building for the last time.</p>
<p>He went to visit the dean of the local university personally when the online job ads didn’t hold any exciting prospects. He described his passion for research, for teaching, the projects he had worked out in his head for years now but hadn’t had the possibility to make reality. After a few days, the dean had called him and asked him to join the faculty on a probationary basis. </p>
<p>He was happy there, at least with his work. Teaching suited him, and he fell into an easy routine of researching after his classes, and preparing for next week’s classes on the weekends. He liked most of his colleagues, and his self confidence soared when he found himself in surroundings that valued his contributions and his natural talents. </p>
<p>He met with Derek regularly and was delighted for him when he landed his dream job at the BAU. Spencer was painfully reminded of Aaron through Derek’s stories, but he had decided some time ago that he would not let his problems with Aaron influence his relationship with Derek. He sometimes wondered when Aaron’s name coming up in a conversation would not make his heart speed up, but he managed not to be overwhelmed by his emotions for the man. </p>
<p>He grew close with some of his colleagues, and even forgave them when they tried to set him up on some of their outings. Derek had suggested Maeve, the main instigator, for Spencer, and Spencer had laughed. He liked her, admired her work, and thought she was one of the few people who was really fun to talk to, but it was never more than that. Not with anyone. Yet, he reassured himself. Yet.</p>
<p>He found himself finally with the time on his hands to go to therapy again. Although he had to admit to himself, it was more about finally making the decision than finding the time. His therapist had been recommended to him by two of his colleagues, she was a former professor at the university herself and thus understood his work. Spencer noticed himself relaxing more when he talked to her, something that had been impossible at the start. He didn’t feel as though he was scrutinized anymore, he could see her honest curiosity. </p>
<p>They talked a lot about his time with Tom, the months of betrayal that culminated in an ugly end to their relationship. Spencer tried his best to trust himself more, and noticed slowly but surely that the constant sadness that had surrounded him without him even noticing began to lift. <br/>He noticed how much of a difference it made to do work he really excelled at, and had even gone back to his little lectures about everything and nothing, something that brought him many an eye roll from Derek’s direction.</p>
<p>That said, even though he had talked with his therapist about Aaron a good deal, thoughts about him still came up here and then, and Spencer had a hard time not thinking of him as soon as his thoughts turned to sex. </p>
<p>**********************</p>
<p>One Saturday, when Spencer was preparing his classes for the coming week, he did a double take when his phone rang and he saw Aaron’s name on the display. His pulse sped up, he hadn’t been able to delete Aaron’s name from his contacts yet. He stared at the phone for three rings before he picked it up gingerly, and answered the call.</p>
<p>“Reid.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Spencer, this is Aaron. I’m sorry to disturb you on a weekend, but this is about Derek.”</p>
<p>Spencer’s heart suddenly beat in his throat, as he asked, “Derek? What has happened?”</p>
<p>There was a small pause that almost made Spencer scream. “He took a bullet to the chest. I know he’d want you to be here.”</p>
<p>Spencer swallowed before his brain kicked in, asked Aaron where he was and before he could manage a clear thought again, he was in his car and on his way to the hospital.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aaron had promised to wait for him at reception, and he could see him, in a black suit, standing there stoically like a rock in the constant coming and going of people. Spencer let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He’s gorgeous, even like this, Spencer’s brain supplied, noticing at once the lines of worry etched in Aaron’s face. </p>
<p>Aaron nodded at him when he saw him and started walking. When Spencer had caught up with him, he said, “Derek is in the ICU, he’s just out of recovery.”</p>
<p>Spencer closed his eyes for a moment and asked, “What are the doctors saying?” </p>
<p>“He’s still recovering from anesthesia. They’ll only be able to say more when he wakes up.”</p>
<p>Oh god. He couldn’t even begin to imagine a world without his best friend in it. “Why wasn’t he wearing a vest?”</p>
<p>Aaron sighed and pinched his nose with his fingers. “The unsub caught us completely unawares. None of us were wearing vests. It’s a miracle no one else got hurt.”</p>
<p>“Let me guess,” Spencer said faintly, “he ran towards the fire.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Aaron smiled slightly at him after giving him a side glance. </p>
<p>“Of course.” Spencer shook his head. “Idiot,” he breathed. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Aaron agreed softly, and Spencer tried to push a memory out of his mind, a memory of Aaron using that voice only for him. </p>
<p>When they arrived at Derek’s room, Spencer saw a young, blonde woman sitting in a chair next to his bed. J.J., his brain supplied automatically, and he remembered the affection in Derek’s voice when he had talked about her. </p>
<p>She nodded at them both before slipping out of the room. Aaron said, “Do you want to sit with him? I can wait outside.”</p>
<p>Spencer looked at Derek, looking far too pale against the hospital linens, and said, “Don’t go on my account, you’re welcome to stay.” He moved into the room and sat down in the chair next to the bed.</p>
<p>“The nurses only want one visitor at a time with him,” Aaron told him. “You can take the next shift if you want, I’ll take over at lunch so you can get something to eat?”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Spencer shivered at how small Derek looked in his bed. He heard Aaron walk towards the door, turned around and said, “Aaron -”</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“Thank you. For calling, and for bringing me here.”</p>
<p>Aaron nodded. “Of course.”</p>
<p>When Aaron had left, Spencer looked around. Derek was connected to all kinds of machines. There was a lot of beeping around them, something that Spencer usually had a hard time with. He didn’t care much now, his mind overwhelmed with fear for his friend. </p>
<p>Spencer suddenly felt alone in the world, as though Derek was already gone. He tried to rally, telling himself sternly that he wouldn’t help Derek by being pessimistic. He knew that people in a coma lost their sense of hearing last, and he wondered if that was true for someone recovering from anesthesia. </p>
<p>He suddenly remembered that he had found a nice edition of Conan Doyle’s “The Hound of the Baskervilles” in an antique shop the other day, and that the book was still in his bag. He fished it out and after a minute of awkward silence, began to read quietly. “Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who was usually very late in the mornings…” He knew the story by heart, but the feeling of the book in his hand gave him a strange kind of comfort. Nurses came by and checked some of the monitors, and after a while, Spencer just ignored them and kept on reading. </p>
<p>Before he knew it, he had read five chapters and noticed that he was getting hungry. Not long after, Aaron stuck his head into the room and asked, “Sorry to interrupt, but do you maybe want to get something to eat? You’ve been sitting here for quite some time now.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Spencer said, put his book on the nightstand and stood up from the chair. He stretched and stopped in the middle of the movement when he felt Aaron’s eyes on him. Damn it, the man was still as distracting as ever.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to grab something for you?” he asked as he went past Aaron, and Aaron looked back gratefully and said, “Yeah, that would be great.”</p>
<p>Spencer decided to forego the hospital cafeteria for some fresh air and a nearby coffee shop. He ordered two sandwiches, coffee for both of them and before thinking too much, added two chocolate chip cookies to his order. They would likely be there for some time, after all. </p>
<p>When he came back to the ICU, he stopped in front of the slightly opened door when he heard Aaron’s voice inside. It took him a few seconds before he realized that Aaron was reading to Derek, his voice soft and melodious. He closed his eyes and opened them again with a sigh. This was not for him. He could feel the old tendrils of want creeping back up his spine, just from listening to Aaron. Spencer resolutely knocked on the door and walked inside.</p>
<p>Aaron stopped reading and looked at the coffee shop bag expectantly. Spencer unpacked their lunch, and Aaron groaned at his first sip of coffee. “God, I thought I was doomed to drink hospital coffee all day.”</p>
<p>Spencer chuckled, despite what that groan did to him. “That would just be cruel and unusual.”</p>
<p>“Too true,” Aaron said and unwrapped his sandwich.</p>
<p>They ate in silence, watching Derek’s chest rise and fall rhythmically.</p>
<p>************************************</p>
<p>Aaron stayed after they had eaten, and glared at the nurses when they came in and seemed to want to throw one of them out. Spencer chuckled to himself; he had heard of The Look from Derek and had always wondered what it might actually look like - he had only known Aaron as polite to a fault. </p>
<p>He almost missed when Derek’s eyelids began to flutter. Shortly afterwards, he opened his eyes. They were bleary and confused, and Aaron was out of the door in a second and returned with a nurse in tow shortly after.</p>
<p>The nurse quickly checked Derek’s wounds and then smiled at him and told them she would return with a doctor soon.</p>
<p>Derek turned his head and saw Spencer and Aaron. His eyes lightened up and he tried to talk. </p>
<p>“Take it easy,” Spencer said immediately. “You’re in the hospital, you were shot.”</p>
<p>Derek made a grimace and said in a gravelly voice, “Yeah, I can feel that.”</p>
<p>“The doctor will be here soon,” Aaron said, his eyes soft.</p>
<p>Spencer was so relieved he thought he might cry. He sat down in the chair heavily and looked at Aaron, who was standing at the foot of the bed. Aaron smiled at him, with dimples and all, and Spencer had to close his eyes for a second. </p>
<p>“How long?” Derek asked into the silence, and Aaron replied, “Not that long - about twelve hours.”</p>
<p>Derek groaned, “Feels like twelve weeks.”</p>
<p>At that moment, the doctor came in. She explained to Derek what they had done and that he would need morphine for a while. Spencer tuned her out when he looked at Aaron, who seemed to be following the doctor’s every word. He was still standing by the foot of the bed, laser focus on the doctor and Derek, and Spencer couldn’t help remembering the last time that focus had been entirely on him. He could feel goosebumps on his arms. After a second, he could feel eyes on him and turned to Derek, who was watching him with a slight smile on his face. Spencer smiled back and watched the doctor leave. </p>
<p>Derek pushed his button for the morphine pump and relaxed visibly. He looked at them both in turn and said quietly. “Now about you two.”</p>
<p>“What?” Spencer asked, alarmed.</p>
<p>“Please.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re both my friends. I know you’re both miserable without each other. Fix this already, though preferably not in my room.”</p>
<p>Spencer blushed. He risked a look at Aaron, who was massaging the back of his neck with his hand. Aaron gave Derek a stern look, and said, seemingly unperturbed, “It’s time I picked up Jack from school. I’ll look in on you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>He nodded at them both and walked out.</p>
<p>Derek grinned, but it turned out that he still needed his rest after everything he had been through. He fell asleep after just a few minutes and Spencer decided to let him be and go home. </p>
<p>He couldn’t bring himself to not think about Aaron all night. What had Derek said, they were both miserable? He wouldn’t call himself miserable, but he supposed he wasn’t happy either. He had managed to build a liveable life for himself and had told himself that that was enough. Was it? Aaron hadn’t disagreed, though. Could it really be that he was still single? That he was thinking about Spencer as Spencer thought about him - the one who got away? He sighed. If that was the case, maybe - he couldn’t think like that. Not yet. </p>
<p>That night, when he touched himself, he thought about Aaron moving above him, Spencer’s cock deep inside him, and he came with a shout.</p>
<p>***************************</p>
<p>He was slightly unfocussed during his next class a few days later. He felt frazzled at the edges, as though he couldn’t quite hold it together. The lecture went reasonably well anyway, and Spencer was just packing his things, the auditorium slowly emptying, when he heard someone coming up behind him. </p>
<p>When he turned around and saw Aaron, he thought he had to be hallucinating. </p>
<p>“Hello, Spencer,” Aaron said somewhat insecurely. Spencer thought it didn’t go with his usual suit - he looked like confidence personified when he wore suits. </p>
<p>“Hi,” Spencer said back, wondering what this was all about.</p>
<p>“I sat in the back for a while. You really have a knack for teaching,” Aaron said honestly, and Spencer couldn’t not smile at the compliment. “Although I’m not sure how many of these students were actually yours. A lot of them seemed to be auditing - for whatever reason.” He shot Spencer a meaningful glance and it was all Spencer could do not to giggle. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I know, I’m hoping to win them over eventually.”</p>
<p>“I-” Aaron seemed to have to collect himself. “I thought about what Derek said.”</p>
<p>Spencer’s heart started beating faster. “And?” he prodded gently.</p>
<p>“I wondered if we could talk about everything.” </p>
<p>Aaron’s eyes didn’t leave Spencer’s, and Spencer couldn’t have looked away if he’d wanted to.</p>
<p>“I see,” he said slowly, turning the thought over in his mind. Did he want to talk? Wouldn’t that just bring more misery? “This isn’t the time and place,” he said softly after a minute.</p>
<p>“Name one. A place, a time. I’ll be there.” Aaron said, his eyes still on Spencer’s. He could see the conviction behind that gaze and was, again, thrown by how it affected him to be the focus of Aaron’s mind. </p>
<p>“I - okay. My place, Friday at eight?” Spencer swallowed and Aaron let out a relieved breath. </p>
<p>“Thank you. I’ll see you then. Have a good week.” He smiled at Spencer, turned around and was almost at the door before Spencer thought of calling, “You too!” after him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time slowed to an almost impossibly lethargic crawl, until Friday finally arrived. Thankfully, Spencer didn’t have a lecture that day, so he could just try to slow down his brain by reading research papers. </p>
<p>There were still a hundred questions on his mind. Why did Aaron want to talk? Was it just to patch things up between them or did he want more? Did he, Spencer, want more? God, yes, his lizard brain helpfully supplied, throwing in some memories of Aaron in various sexual positions.</p>
<p>But did he want to go through everything and actually try to make a relationship work? What if it turned out to be just a repeat of the debacle with Tom? Spencer took a deep breath. </p>
<p>He decided that the only thing he could really do was to listen to what Aaron had to say. It was not a good idea to take things out in advance.</p>
<p>He dressed with care before Aaron was due to arrive, not to impress, but to feel as confident as possible. That meant a plain white shirt and a purple sweater jacket that day. </p>
<p>When his doorbell finally rang - at exactly eight o´clock, he didn’t know how Aaron did it - he opened his door and revealed Aaron in casual jeans and a navy sweater that was tight in all the right places. Spencer licked his lips unconsciously, said hello and asked Aaron to come inside. </p>
<p>They settled on the couch with a glass of wine each, and Spencer looked at Aaron expectantly.</p>
<p>“First of all,” Aaron began slowly, “I need to apologize. I behaved ghastly towards you, that time when you called me. I was annoyed you had been ignoring me, I hadn’t slept, and the case was beyond rough, so I lashed out at you. That’s inexcusable, and I’m so sorry, Spencer. I know that must have hurt you badly, and I never wanted to hurt you, I -”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Spencer said gently, and was surprised that it was. “Apology accepted.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Aaron looked at him disbelievingly, as though he was prepared for Spencer to throw him out over this. </p>
<p>“Yeah, really.” Spencer said, taking a sip of his wine, watching Aaron relax a bit.</p>
<p>“As a matter of fact,” he continued, “I’m sorry, too. I was so insecure that I weighed every word you said so carefully that it led to misunderstandings. The last time I was at your place, I should never have run out on you like I did. If I had just stayed and talked to you, I think a lot of this could have been avoided.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” Aaron said, “I’m not angry about that. I just wondered what I had done wrong.”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Spencer replied quickly, “Just my insecurities playing games with me.” He pondered for a second and thought, if he was serious about this, he could just as well tell the whole truth.“Do you want to know more about that?” he asked before launching into his story. </p>
<p>“Always,” Aaron replied quickly, honestly. </p>
<p>Spencer smiled. “Okay.” He took a breath and decided to start at the beginning. “A little more than three years ago, I met a guy called Tom. We dated a short time and decided to take the relationship to the next level. We were together for over a year, though we kept our respective apartments. He worked at the upper levels of a bank, so I didn’t think much about it when he had to stay late for work. It turned out-” He sighed. “It turned out that he was cheating on me for at least half a year before I found out.”</p>
<p>Aaron held his gaze while he was talking, and if Spencer wasn’t mistaken, there was white hot rage in those eyes when he continued.</p>
<p>“Anyway, I found out eventually, and the relationship ended in the worst possible way. It was very, very ugly and he pretty much had me convinced that the entire thing was my fault. I just - my confidence was shattered. I tried to date a few times, but would tell myself the other person couldn’t possibly be interested in me, and ended it before something could happen. You’re the first person I’ve been with after him, so when you said something that I could misinterpret in the slightest, I did. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Aaron had set his glass on the couch table and turned towards him. “You have nothing to apologize for. Of course you would be careful after what that miserable excuse for a human being did to you.”</p>
<p>Spencer smiled and said, self-consciously, “I wasn’t just careful though. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was absolutely convinced that someone like you couldn’t possibly want me for anything more than a few hours of fun.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what it was.” Aaron said, steadily. </p>
<p>“No?” Spencer said, feeling oddly breathless. </p>
<p>“No. I’ve never been too good at talking about what I feel, but I’m not after casual sex. I’ve never been. It’s just - I really haven’t been with anyone since my wife died. Our marriage was over long before that. I’ve been dating on and off but it has never worked for me. Maybe I’m out of practice, and maybe I just met the wrong people.” He looked at his hands in his lap for a moment before looking Spencer straight in the eyes. “Until you.”</p>
<p>Spencer’s mouth was dry. He took a sip of wine and deposited his glass on the table with a shaky hand. “I haven’t met anyone else since I was with you,” he said quietly. </p>
<p>Aaron smiled and said, “I had exactly one date. It was a disaster. She leaned in to kiss me and I was as stiff as a board. She knew immediately what was going on.”</p>
<p>Spencer took his heart in his hands and admitted, “I’m still thinking of you. Of us. All the time.”</p>
<p>Aaron exhaled slowly. “Thoughts about the good or the bad times?”</p>
<p>“Both,” Spencer answered honestly. “I try to keep the bad ones at bay, but sometimes they come through. Mostly good thoughts, though.”</p>
<p>“Me, too.”</p>
<p>“Do you -” Spencer licked his lips and Aaron’s gaze grew hotter by the second. “Do you think we can make more good memories?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Aaron said softly, “I really think we can.”</p>
<p>“I’d like to try,” Spencer said, feeling bold, thinking about not being on the defensive for once.</p>
<p>Aaron smiled at that, dimples out in full view. “I’d like that, too.”</p>
<p>“Only, if we’re both sure that this isn’t casual, we might have to take it more slowly this time,” Spencer said, hesitatingly.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Aaron agreed, “As slowly as we need.”</p>
<p>Spencer was almost sorry he had mentioned that, because being this close to Aaron and having him say he wanted to be with him made him dizzy with want.</p>
<p>Aaron’s eyes glittered as he asked, “How slow do we have to be with kissing?”, and Spencer said, very quickly, “Not slow at all!” </p>
<p>Aaron laughed, actually laughed, at that, and Spencer watched breathlessly as he scooted closer on the couch. He took Spencer’s hand in his and pulled him towards him, and Spencer went more than willingly. They were sitting thigh to thigh when Spencer gently took Aaron’s lips, and he thought he had pretty much gone to heaven. The kiss was slow and sweet, and after a minute Spencer decided they weren’t close enough. </p>
<p>He stopped kissing Aaron for a second and straddled him. “Mmmm, better,” he murmured, and Aaron added, “Much,” before their mouths found each other again. </p>
<p>Aaron’s hands slipped under his sweater and up his back. Spencer could feel the heat of them through his shirt and was desperate to have them against his skin again - but they were supposed to take it slow. He was quickly regretting that fact when their kiss deepened and Aaron brought them chest to chest. He could feel Aaron’s rapidly hardening cock through his jeans and, god, he wanted.</p>
<p>Aaron hummed when their cocks bumped into each other, clearly enjoying the friction as much as Spencer did. They kissed as though their lives depended on it, and when Spencer couldn’t help it anymore and moaned into the kiss, Aaron let his hands wander down to his waist and stopped.</p>
<p>He waited until Spencer had opened his eyes and looked at him and asked, “Exactly how slow do we want to take this?”</p>
<p>Spencer laughed. “That seems like such a stupid idea right now.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t it,” Aaron chuckled. “But it’s what we both wanted, five minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’d forgotten how bloody good it is to kiss you.” Spencer tried to catch his breath.</p>
<p>“Same,” Aaron said quietly, and leaned forward again, until their lips were almost touching. “I want you so badly,” he whispered, before gently biting Spencer’s lower lip until he let his tongue inside. </p>
<p>They kept on kissing for what seemed like hours, and Spencer wasn’t sure he could take much more. He had forgotten how all-consuming his desire became when Aaron was close, and Aaron didn’t seem to be faring much better.</p>
<p>They both groaned when Spencer broke the kiss and said, “I can’t Aaron, I’ll fucking explode.”</p>
<p>Aaron’s eyes grew dark and he asked, “Do you remember what you said to me that first night? That you could come just from kissing me?”</p>
<p>Spencer gasped when Aaron ran his knuckles over the bulge in his pants. “Yes, I do,” he said. </p>
<p>“Show me,” Aaron said huskily, and Spencer had to close his eyes. </p>
<p>Aaron tangled his hands in Spencer’s curls and pulled him gently towards him, kissing him in a way that wasn’t gentle at all. It was fire and want and desperation all rolled into one magnificent package, and Spencer gave himself up to it.</p>
<p>He didn’t care that he was rubbing himself against Aaron, or that he was making the filthiest noises when their kiss broke for a second. </p>
<p>“Aaron, please,” he keened when he got close, and Aaron touched his bulge just so, and Spencer was right there. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Aaron hissed, “Come on, Spencer.” </p>
<p>Spencer groaned and arched his back and came, until he was spent and sitting with his face hidden in Aaron’s neck. </p>
<p>Aaron had one hand on Spencer’s neck and the other was drawing patterns on his back. “You’re wonderful,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“I need a shower.” Spencer chuckled. </p>
<p>“That, too,” Aaron said, grinning. “And I should get home.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s maybe for the best,” Spencer admitted.</p>
<p>“Hey, do you want to watch the soccer game with me tomorrow? You could meet Jack.”</p>
<p>Spencer noticed the hesitance in Aaron’s voice, as if he was afraid that Spencer wasn’t serious about this, that things would get awkward once Jack was involved. Spencer was more than a little bit scared, that much was true, but he’d be damned if he’d let that come between them. Jack was Aaron’s son, how bad could it be?</p>
<p>“Where and when?” he asked, and the light in Aaron’s eyes told him all he needed to know.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So that was why, the morning after, Spencer was found on a soccer field of all places. He was snuggly ensconced in his favorite scarf, when someone came up to stand next to him.</p>
<p>“Doctor Reid!” </p>
<p>Spencer looked up to see David Rossi smiling at him. </p>
<p>“Good morning, Agent Rossi,” he smiled.</p>
<p>“It’s good to meet you again. What brings you here?”</p>
<p>Spencer pointed at Aaron, who was getting Jack ready together with a heap of other parents and children. “I’m watching Jack play,” he said, and when Rossi tilted his head and grinned, he blushed. </p>
<p>“Good,” Rossi said, and stretched out his hand, “Call me Dave.”</p>
<p>“Spencer.” He took the offered hand and asked, “What about you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Aaron and I train Jack’s team on the weekends, when there isn’t a game.” Dave said.</p>
<p>“That sounds like fun,” Spencer said and was surprised that he meant it. </p>
<p>“Oh, it is,” Dave replied. “Especially the pizza after.” He winked at Spencer.</p>
<p>Spencer laughed. “Well, pizza is never wrong.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.”</p>
<p>“Hi, you two,” Aaron’s voice came from behind, and when Spencer turned around, he saw him coming along the sideline, smiling. </p>
<p>“Hi, Aaron,” they said almost in unison, then looked at each other and laughed. </p>
<p>“Well, at least you’re having fun, that’s a good start.” Aaron shook his head and stood next to Spencer. </p>
<p>They stood close together through the entire match, except for when Aaron was running along the sideline, cheering the team on and shouting directions. </p>
<p>They were all in good spirits when the game ended. It helped that Jack’s team won, and when the boy came running towards them, Aaron swept him up into a big hug. </p>
<p>“Hey buddy! You played great!” Aaron told him enthusiastically. “Look, I brought a friend for you to meet. His name’s Spencer.” He pointed at Spencer standing a few feet away.</p>
<p>Spencer came closer and smiled.</p>
<p>“Hi, Spencer!” Jack said and waved at him. </p>
<p>Spencer waved back and replied, “Hi, Jack! That was an awesome game!”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Jack agreed. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I?” </p>
<p>“You were really great,” Aaron told him, and Jack grinned proudly. </p>
<p>“Does that mean we’ll have pizza?” he asked excitedly.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Dave said. “Definitely.” He looked at Aaron and Spencer in turn and asked Jack, “Jack, what do you think about staying with me tonight? We can bake cookies and watch movies.”</p>
<p>“Ooo, daddy, can I?” Jack looked hopefully at Aaron, who laughed and said, “Sure, why not. I’ll come get you tomorrow for lunch.”</p>
<p>Spencer thought Dave grinned at him before he took Jack from Aaron and disappeared with the boy in the direction of the cars. </p>
<p>Spencer smiled at Aaron and said, “That was fun. Thank you for bringing me.” </p>
<p>Aaron looked at him for a second, before he grabbed him and kissed him square on the lips. “Thank you for wanting to come.” he said.</p>
<p>“What are we doing with the rest of the day?” Spencer asked hesitantly, not sure if Aaron meant for them to spend the day together. </p>
<p>“Come back to my place,” Aaron said, and Spencer let out a relieved sigh on the inside.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said happily, “I’ll meet you there.”</p>
<p>*********************************</p>
<p>Once they had parked their cars and gone inside, Spencer didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He wanted, more than anything, to be alone with Aaron and spend time together, but at the same time he had no idea how he would keep himself from touching and wanting more. </p>
<p>Aaron seemed to have quite the same problem. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans and said quietly, “Spencer, I don’t know if I can take this slow and be with you at the same time. Which, I guess, negates the purpose of taking it slow in the first place. I’m sorry, I-”</p>
<p>That’s as far as he got before Spencer suddenly decided that he wasn’t having this. He took a few quick steps forward into Aaron’s space, grabbed his sweater with both hands and kissed him until he was out of breath. </p>
<p>Aaron’s hands shot up to hold him close, and once they broke the kiss, Spencer said, “Dammit, we both want this, right?”</p>
<p>“So much,” Aaron said intensely, his eyes never leaving Spencer’s.</p>
<p>Spencer was quickly running out of brain capacity to reply. Being this close to Aaron was absolutely intoxicating, he had forgotten how damn good he smelled, and oh god, the taste of him. </p>
<p>He still had his hands tangled in Aaron’s sweater and kept them where they were. He could think of nothing else than kissing him again, and getting closer, so much closer. </p>
<p>Aaron seemed to have much the same thoughts. His eyes were black when he looked at Spencer, and with a move that seemed far too graceful for what Spencer was feeling, Aaron turned them and all but slammed him into the wall.</p>
<p>Aaron stepped close and Spencer could hear his breath stutter in his ear when their groins rubbed against each other, Spencer already hard from just a few kisses and Aaron well on his way. </p>
<p>“God, Spencer, I missed you,” Aaron murmured, and took his mouth again. Their tongues met, and Spencer was so out of it that when Aaron shoved a thigh between his, he rubbed himself against it shamelessly. Aaron groaned at that and started to work their jeans, first his own and then Spencer’s, and when he had unzipped them both, he took both their cocks in his hand and put his weight on his other hand against the wall. </p>
<p>“Christ, your mouth,” Spencer whispered when they had to break for air. He moved one hand to Aaron’s back to hold him close, and kept kissing him, hot and sloppily now. He couldn’t quite decide if it was Aaron’s mouth or his hand on him that was turning him on more, before he stopped thinking and was just glad that he didn’t have to choose.</p>
<p>Aaron moaned into the kiss and Spencer thought he would not so quietly go insane. He gave himself up to the double sensations of Aaron’s mouth and hand, and felt deliciously on the edge in no time. It felt like he should tell Aaron, but all that came out of his mouth was a broken, “Fuck, Aaron, I-” and Aaron breathed, “Yes,” and sped up his hand. Spencer didn’t even try to hold on, he came in long spurts over Aaron’s hand, moaning into his mouth. Aaron broke the kiss, threw his head back and groaned when he came only a second after Spencer. They held on to each other, and Spencer wondered quietly, giddily, how he was still on his feet.</p>
<p>Aaron lifted his head from Spencer’s neck and asked, “Bed?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Spencer agreed fervently.</p>
<p>Aaron grinned faintly and took his hand. They went to the bedroom, after a detour to the kitchen where Aaron picked up paper towels to clean his hand. Once in the bedroom, Aaron turned around and looked at Spencer for a second, before stepping close and whispering in his ear, “I didn’t dare hope I’d have you in here again.”</p>
<p>Spencer shivered and said, quietly, “Me neither. It’s good though.”</p>
<p>“So good,” Aaron replied, and Spencer suddenly felt Aaron’s tongue draw a line from his ear down to his neck. </p>
<p>“Please,” Spencer said, softly, and Aaron looked at him and asked, “Please what?”</p>
<p>“Mark me again,” Spencer forced out, trying not to be embarrassed. </p>
<p>Aaron sucked in a breath and said, “You say the most amazing things.”</p>
<p>Spencer smiled, relieved. He said, “I used to press my fingers into the bruise all the time, until I could feel your mouth on me again.”</p>
<p>Aaron moaned at that, a low, guttural sound that made Spencer grow hard with anticipation. He stroked Spencer’s neck softly, until his fingers reached the patch of skin he had marked before. </p>
<p>“Here?” he asked quietly, his lips next to Spencer’s ear. </p>
<p>“Yes, wherever you want, please,” Spencer replied, wanting to feel his teeth on him already.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Aaron hummed, kissing his way down to the spot his fingers were marking. He crowded Spencer against the wall and bit down hard, making him feel as though his world exploded in pain and lust. </p>
<p>“Aaron,” he gasped, “Oh god!” His hand was on Aaron’s neck, holding him close to him as he sucked and bit and licked at his flesh, and fuck, he wanted this to never end. </p>
<p>He might have whimpered as Aaron drew back and observed his handiwork, grinning ferally.</p>
<p>“That will stay for a while,” he said, satisfied.</p>
<p>Spencer couldn’t help feeling the bruise with his fingers, moaning quietly at the slight pain that coursed through him. </p>
<p>Aaron looked at him with heat in his eyes, and after a second he took his hand and led him to the bed. </p>
<p>Spencer didn’t really know how it happened, but Aaron had his shirt off in a second and he could finally, finally feel his hands on his skin again, leaving behind fire and tenderness. Spencer pulled Aaron’s sweater over his head and touched him where he could, reveling in his heat. Aaron groaned when he touched a sensitive scar gently, and Spencer just couldn’t believe that he was here again, with Aaron, in his bed.</p>
<p>Aaron was lying on his side next to Spencer and started to get Spencer’s jeans off. Spencer strained up towards his hands, wanting nothing more than to have their heat around his cock again, and Aaron chided him, “Shh, slowly, soon.”</p>
<p>Once their clothes were off, they lay next to each other on their sides, touching gently wherever they could reach. After a few minutes, Spencer was caught up by his orgasm and felt deliciously exhausted and tired. He could see that Aaron’s eyes were closing, so he decided to give in.</p>
<p>********************</p>
<p>He woke up about an hour later, so closely entangled with Aaron that he could barely move - not that he wanted to. Aaron was facing him, his face relaxed in sleep, and Spencer couldn’t not touch. He brought up his hand carefully so as not to wake Aaron, and drew his fingers gently along Aaron’s forehead, his cheeks, his lips. He let his fingers lie where they were, on Aaron’s lower lip, when his eyelashes fluttered slowly open. He felt Aaron’s lips curve in a smile around his fingers and felt a teasing flick of his tongue a moment later.</p>
<p>Spencer smiled back at him, blissfully, and rested his hand on Aaron’s chest. Aaron said, quietly, “We skipped pizza before - are you hungry?”</p>
<p>Spencer couldn’t feel anything but wonderfully sated. “No, are you?”</p>
<p>Aaron shook his head slowly. “No, I could lie here and look at you forever.”</p>
<p>“Just look?” Spencer teased, and just like that, the temperature in the room seemed to go up by a few degrees. </p>
<p>“No,” Aaron told him breathlessly, “never just that.” He moved them around until Spencer was lying half on top of him. Spencer couldn’t help it, he had to kiss Aaron again. As soon as their lips touched, it was like the air was electrified, and Spencer could feel himself getting hard again. </p>
<p>Aaron gave back as good as he got, fucking Spencer’s mouth with his tongue. Spencer wished he’d do this with certain other body parts, when he realized he could just ask.</p>
<p>He broke the kiss and said, “I really want you inside me.” He watched Aaron’s eyes grow dark. </p>
<p>“Yes,” he breathed and rolled over, reached into the nightstand and came back with condoms and lube in his hand. He put them next to Spencer on the bed and continued kissing him as though nothing had happened. </p>
<p>Spencer was nervous - he had bottomed for Tom a few times, and never really liked it as much as the other things they did, but it had just felt so right to tell Aaron. He decided to go with the flow and kissed Aaron back.</p>
<p>Something must have felt off for Aaron, because he ended the kiss gently and asked, “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Spencer smiled. “Yeah, just a bit nervous. I’ve only done this a few times before, and it just never clicked for me.”</p>
<p>“But -” Aaron looked concerned, “You know we can do other things, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes. It’s just - it feels so right with you. I want you so much, Aaron, and thinking about you inside me just turns me on like nothing else.”</p>
<p>“Me, too,” Aaron murmured and cupped his cheek with his hand. “Promise me that you’ll tell me if you’re not okay? I won’t be mad, there’s lots of other things we can try.”</p>
<p>“I promise.” Spencer said, feeling with overwhelming certainty that things would turn out alright. </p>
<p>“Good,” Aaron said and kissed him gently. </p>
<p>He ran his hands down Spencer’s sides and moved on top of him, keeping his weight on his arms. He licked down his throat towards the mark and kissed it, making Spencer shiver. Moving down his body, Aaron stopped at his nipples, biting and licking until he had Spencer writhing under him. Aaron smiled up at him and moved lower, biting and kissing his way to Spencer’s stomach. </p>
<p>Spencer kept one of his hands at the nape of Aaron’s neck, the other one was already tangled in the sheets. “Please,” he forced out, as Aaron got close to his cock. Aaron hummed and bypassed his cock entirely, moving instead downward to mouth his balls.</p>
<p>“Turn around,” Aaron said huskily, and Spencer groaned. He obeyed, trying hard not to rut against the bed. He thought he’d straight up come without being touched when he felt Aaron’s hands holding him open and Aaron giving his hole a thorough lick. </p>
<p>Spencer shouted into his pillow when Aaron breached him with his tongue, both his hands tangled in the sheets now. No one had ever done this to him before, and it seemed to Spencer that he had missed quite a lot. “Aaron, please,” he keened, and Aaron answered by replacing his tongue with the tip of a finger. He was breathing heavily, clearly enjoying this as much as Spencer did. </p>
<p>He grabbed the lube off the bed and coated his fingers, replacing the fingertip in Spencer with a lubed one that slid in easily. Spencer gasped and Aaron soon used two fingers, scissoring them to loosen him up. Spencer was moaning, waiting for Aaron to find the magic spot, and when he did, Spencer made an obscene noise, scrabbling on the linens for purchase. </p>
<p>Aaron added a third finger and Spencer felt so empty and so full at the same time that he didn’t know what to do with himself. Aaron’s fingers felt wonderful inside him, but he wanted - needed - so much more. </p>
<p>“Please, Aaron, now,” he managed to force out, and Aaron gave his prostate a last flick that made him see stars. </p>
<p>“Turn around,” Aaron told him, and Spencer obeyed, shakily. “I need to see your face,” Aaron added, voice as shaky as Spencer was feeling.</p>
<p>Spencer had to close his eyes for a minute when he saw the intense look on Aaron’s face. Aaron knelt between his legs while putting on the condom and coating his cock with lube. He leaned over Spencer when he had finished and kissed him slowly. Spencer relaxed into the kiss and opened his eyes when Aaron sat up again.</p>
<p>He held Aaron’s eyes as he took his cock in his hand and bit his lip in anticipation when he felt the tip at his hole. Aaron had taken care in stretching him, there was no pain when he entered Spencer, only a feeling of fullness that was overwhelming. Aaron stopped once he was inside him and tried to catch his breath. “Okay?” he forced out, and Spencer, who had lost his words completely, just nodded. </p>
<p>Aaron still didn’t move, and Spencer needed him to, more than anything else. He lifted his hips experimentally and rolled them, the movement sparking desire deep inside of him. Aaron groaned and finally, finally started to move. If Spencer still had any reservations about this at all, they dissipated when Aaron leaned down, took his weight with his arms, and kissed him gently, all the while moving inside him. </p>
<p>Spencer kissed him back, as softly as Aaron was kissing him, and rolled his hips again, needing more and more of Aaron inside him. Aaron refused to move faster and Spencer moaned into the kiss, feeling Aaron’s lips curve against his in a smile. </p>
<p>The slow strokes were driving him mad, his cock weeping precome between their bodies. He waited until Aaron was all the way inside him and canted his hips. Aaron moaned in surprise as he slid deeper into Spencer, and Spencer gasped at the feeling of him. </p>
<p>He started moving his hips in counterpoint to Aaron’s strokes, smiling when he felt Aaron’s movements getting less and less precise. “Fuck,” Aaron panted, after an especially hard stroke that made Spencer groan. </p>
<p>“No, god, again, please,” Spencer tried to explain, trying to catch his breath, knowing that Aaron was still holding back. He needed him to let go, because he knew he wouldn’t last. “Give it to me,” he gasped, making Aaron moan desperately and hide his face in Spencer’s neck.</p>
<p>He did speed up his strokes, fucking into Spencer hard and fast now, and Spencer’s hands clutched at his back.  </p>
<p>Aaron was making filthy noises against his neck, and Spencer wanted, needed to see his eyes, needed to look at him when he came. </p>
<p>“Aaron,” he panted, and when he looked at him, finally, Spencer smiled, then moaned a second later when Aaron hit his prostate. “Watch me,” he said, and Aaron’s eyes clouded over as he finally let go, pounding into Spencer who knew that there was no way he was going to last, being fucked within an inch of his life and with Aaron’s eyes on him. </p>
<p>He came suddenly, with a hand on Aaron’s neck, throwing back his head and arching his back, loving the feel of Aaron fucking him through his orgasm. Aaron was making the most impossible noises, but his eyes never left Spencer’s, and he came with a shout and a stroke that almost dislodged Spencer’s back from the bed.  </p>
<p>They tried to catch their breath and kiss at the same time, Spencer just couldn’t let Aaron’s lips be, couldn’t bear to be further away from him than absolutely necessary. </p>
<p>Spencer let his hands run all over Aaron’s body, and Aaron did the same - sweet, reverent touches while they were still kissing. </p>
<p>Once they started to calm down, when Spencer’s heart was almost beating at a normal pace again, Aaron moved to lie next to him on his side. He trailed a hand from Spencer’s thigh to his throat and smiled, one of those rare smiles that took Spencer’s breath away. </p>
<p>“You’re magnificent,” Aaron said quietly, and Spencer knew he smiled back just as brilliantly when he said, “You, too.”</p>
<p>He cupped Aaron’s cheek in his hand and shivered when Aaron nuzzled his palm. “I know we were planning on taking this slow -”</p>
<p>Aaron laughed. “I think that ship has pretty much sailed.”</p>
<p>Spencer grinned and said, “Yeah. I’m just thinking, I don’t want to see other people. Do you?” He tried desperately not to hold his breath, but when Aaron replied, “No, definitely not,” he could have squealed with joy.</p>
<p>He turned to his side and cuddled close to Aaron, who spooned around him. He felt safe and warm, safer and warmer than he had ever before with anyone. He let sleep claim him, wondering if he would dream of Aaron.</p>
<p>*************************</p>
<p>The next morning, after breakfast, which contained pancakes and lots of kisses, Spencer was again wondering if he should stay the day - only this time, he was certain that Aaron wanted him in his life. </p>
<p>“I don’t have any classes on Monday, so I can stay if you’d like?” he asked, and Aaron replied, “I’d love that. I have to get Jack from Dave at lunch, and after that we usually just relax and watch movies. Is that okay?”</p>
<p>Spencer beamed, “That sounds perfect.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Aaron smiled  back. “I was wondering - do you maybe feel like visiting Derek before lunch? I didn’t have time to see him yesterday and I’d like to see for myself how he’s doing.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Spencer said, “I haven’t seen him myself for two days.”</p>
<p>*****************************</p>
<p>When they arrived at Derek’s room, Spencer wondered for a second how things would go. They hadn’t talked about telling others about their relationship, and Spencer knew that Derek would need about one look at either of them to tell the truth. </p>
<p>As it was, he couldn’t help beaming at Derek when they went in, and he didn’t care, he was just that happy. Derek looked much better than he had done just a few days before. The last time Spencer had seen him, he had just come off the morphine. He was sitting up in bed and grinned when he saw Aaron and Spencer. </p>
<p>“Hi, guys!” he said once they were standing next to his bed. </p>
<p>“Hi, Derek,” Spencer said, while Aaron nodded with a smile. </p>
<p>“How are you holding up?” Spencer asked, and Derek replied, “Not too bad, I’m still off morphine. And the nurses…” he winked and Spencer groaned. </p>
<p>“I can see you’re doing much better,” Aaron said. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Derek grinned, unrepentantly. “So, how are you two doing?”</p>
<p>Spencer looked at Aaron before answering, and Aaron smiled at him softly. He wound his arm around Spencer’s waist, pulled him close to his side, and said, “We’re good.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Derek said, eyes wide, “Really? You patched things up?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you could say that,” Spencer grinned. </p>
<p>“That is awesome!” Derek said enthusiastically. “And to think, I brought you together!”</p>
<p>Aaron and Spencer stared, saying “Wait, what?” almost simultaneously.</p>
<p>“It’s true!” Derek replied triumphantly. “Without my little nudge, you would never have gotten things together.”</p>
<p>Aaron chuckled, “Well, it’s true that you made me go after Spencer that day, so I guess you did help.”</p>
<p>“A-ha!” Derek crowed, and Spencer shook his head. </p>
<p>“We’ll never live this down, you know that,” Spencer told Aaron, and Aaron just looked at him and said, “It’s worth it.”</p>
<p>“Oh god, you guys are so done for,” Derek chuckled.</p>
<p>When they left the hospital, Aaron still holding Spencer close, Spencer remembered the many times he had thought during the last few months that his heart was not really in it - and how things changed when he took charge of his life. Even then, he hadn’t dared dream that things would turn out like this.</p>
<p>Yes, his heart was definitely in it. </p>
<p>*************************************<br/>THE END</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to all of you who followed along and cheered me on! I loved writing this and seeing your reactions along the way &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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